little me outside my comfort zone

that's what i call it.

in the beginning my comfort zone is the dental chair in a clinical setting. it's where i was taught and trained for my 5 years in uni. so its familiar and therefore assuring.

but once i started working even as a FYDO (first year dental officer) i stepped out of my comfort zone once a while, like doing dental work during community service or outreach programs by using plastic cards in longhouses, or being a speaker and giving lectures to staff or talks to the public, doing radio talks live at RTM about dentistry and also having a phone interview for a national paper article.

well, its still dentistry-related. that was the transition from my university training to working as a government dentist, especially in Sarawak. more like a culture shock in your own home ground. fancy that.

but my district posting has pushed me further out of my comfort zone, putting me in an office with a room of my own, facing piles of paperwork paperwork paperwork daily and forcing me to manage lots of other things like people and money, always planning planning planning according to tight schedules with limited budget and resources, pushing people to execute them to achieve close-to-unrealistic targets, chairing meetings to shoot and be shot at, penalizing staff (like stopping their pays) and always being the bad guy...

although further out of my comfort zone, i am starting to get a hang of things. don't get me wrong, everyday is still a learning experience to me. i don't think the day will ever come when i say 'Yes i know exactly how to be a boss now.'

Now there are other roles that come to play now, like co-organizing a state level event with VVIPs. wow, now that is totally outside my comfort zone. feels like it doesn't overlap with dentistry at all. but it is defiinitely one of the more enjoyable experiences as i was more of the VIP than the organizer

even after trying to adapt to be someone of authority being in charge of the whole division, i really felt like little me that day amongst VVIPs.. a little nobody! (yes that's how insignificant i felt)

with YB J S!

it was an exciting experience to be waiting at the airport for him as his heli landed and sit in the VIP car to bring him to this event, and as everyone lined up to shake his hands, little me was behind as well (in green baju kurung) walking along the line shaking everyone's hand like i am a VIP myself!!

exhilarating! (although i secretly felt like a nobody)
little me wasn't even sure if i should shake hand with everyone as i felt i didn't deserve such 'attention' or 'stardom'

the state level event for Day without Tobacco. seated are the VVIPs who are 3 YBs, TPKN (state boss for medical), Residen (boss of Limbang division) and PKB (Limbang division boss for medical).. and there's little me on the most left, representing my TPKN (state boss for dental)

i feel really really little with really really big shoes to fill! obviously the VVIPs would be wondering 'Who's this young girl sitting with Us?'

little me with the 3 YBs and the Residen

yes, little me still felt star-struck in the present of VVIPs, especially when the VVIPs talked to me about my work and where i was from etc. it was an honour indeed for little me (regardless of who i support during the elections, just keep politics out of this)

and the local Malay papers the next day (yay, my 3rd time in the papers!)
i wasn't even named (told you i was just little me) but my staff 'circled and labeled' me

and that was the biggest event little me has attended thus far. i know some of the local VIPs would probably recognize me but i doubt YB J S would remember me although we talked abit. it was a good experience still.

there were many other events which little me is invited to like Majlis Perasmian, Pesta Babulang, Majlis Buka Puasa etc etc..

and as i said, all these are way outside my comfort zone, to attend social events or dinners organized by people or organizations i don't know and little me had to attend all these ALONE! it requires a lot of bravery for little me to drive up to some random places or restaurants and sit down to dine with total strangers, and its more pressuring if little me had to be at the VIP table.

cause i am just little me after all!

one of the Majlis Buka Puasa which little me attended organized by the Center for the disabled (who i gave talk and treatment to couple of months ago) and i was put at the main VIP table (again! the 2nd time by this center)

that's how i get such good views of the stage. duit raya for the special kids

then its buka puasa time

yes, the familiar comfort zone of being just me seems further away, and now sometimes this new job specifications give me such authority and responsibilities that i felt Big (in a stressful way!), but sometimes it just makes me feel so... little..