Go with the flow

I noticed the decrease of comments in my blog, and it actually delights me as i prefer to keep this low-key/close-friends-only (even contemplated several times on privatizing this blog ) cause i don't want to draw any unnecessary attention.

only cause i can't be myself if there's too much attention. i can't say what i want to say, and that converts my blog, which was my diary to jot down my thoughts, into just another eat-and-travelogue like the million other blogs out there.

or maybe i have learnt to just keep things to myself more.. seems that i can't say what i want to say in real life too. many silent questions in my head still unanswered. maybe cause i don't what to know the answer. or that i can't agree with or influence the answer. maybe cause there's no answer.

"just go with the flow" is the common advice. but shouldn't one have an aim or a goal? a direction to 'go with the flow' towards?

but the goal depends on so so many other factors.. like work.. like family.. like..

its impossible to have the ideal goal.. and even if one successfully does come up with one, anything can happen tomorrow that puts one back to the drawing board..

its so confusing it scares me. i try asking, try seeking direction, try finding help, but to no avail. maybe that's why i learn to be more reserved... cause its no use to ask questions only i can answer, which makes me lost in my own world. perhaps its easier to go with the flow after all, but where does it flow to in the end.. i dread to find out..