praying for a clearer day

i know i have something to say, yet no words could describe what i am feeling.. perhaps i myself am unsure what is clouding my mind which is why its impossible to pen down something i don't even understand.

i do know one thing. this confusion needs to be ironed out. i need to know for sure the path to be taken, be it a sheltered marble pavement lined with beautiful roses or an endless uphill of rocks and mud... cause there can be no progress with standing still, waiting, lost and alone.

March Babies Everywhere!

Part 1: the Dentists

that night was a dental colleague's birthday and another colleague's last 2 days in Kuching so we decided to have a dinner out across river.. had to take the sampan tambang across at night! definitely was my first time, apparently it operates until late as night as well.

all the way via car + boat to the ayam penyet special at My Village, Barok, a wooden house which has quite a nice setting and you sit on the floor

teh-C peng special, ayam penyet special and seafood noodles

the birthday boy and farewell + birthday gal with the nice cake from Secret Recipe

the whole gang of the 11 dentists in Kuching

taking random shots by the river before we call it a night

Part 2: the Pharmacists

the following week i joined the Pharmacists for dinner at Thai Delight, RH Plaza / BDC

the Thai food is not bad, although Mango Tree is nicer, but for its price and environment it does the trick as well

lighting up the candles for the birthdays of a dental colleague (again!) and a pharmacist

group photos for the pharmacists and 2 dentists

Part 3: the Doctors

that same night the house officers /doctors in SGH celebrate 2 of their colleagues' birthdays with dinner at Delizze, 101 (which i missed thanks to someone who forgotten me) but we carried on with drinks at Isabella cafe, near 4th mile which is a very nice place that resembles the tents in the Sahara Dessert.. would definitely be back there. had a crazy night thanks to 2 rounds of Mafia card game, where strangers become allies and friends become enemies.. :D

which was the best birthday celebration?

with the dentists?
or pharmacists?
or doctors?

Part 4: with my Family

but of course.. :)

its my dad's birthday in March as well so i treated him to at meal at Westwood (cause i don't know where else to go for nice simple good Western food, besides Richmond and Calvary and Mr Ho..)

the food was simple and good as well, but Richmond is still nicer somehow haha..

thank goodness March is coming to an end, its birthday overload as i even blogged of previous March birthdays in the beginning of the month.. seems that the most active mating season must be.. Gawai with lots of Tuak! (if you start counting 9-10months , backwards..)

My New Child

funny that i blogged about the child in me previously, now I've decided to have a child of my own by sponsoring one via World Vision Malaysia

guys, say Hi to my 3-year-old-kid, Jana from India. ain't she cute? will be writing to her soon. hope this is a beginning of a new relationship :)

the child in me

i believed i am old, yet i act like a child..
i thought i make rational decisions, yet i jump without thinking..
i felt i have matured, yet things i did proved otherwise..

it seems foolish to act impulsively, smile cheekily, giggle without reason, cry senseless tears, say without thinking, do without hesitations, throw tantrums everywhere, have mood swings, behave unreasonably, rush into things, be curious about everything...

but at times, it feels nice to live a life without boundaries and forget about the million and one consequences this world is ready to fire you with...

it's like living in a world as a innocent child, only that a child is easily forgiven...

who's gonna forgive the child in me?

Visitors from Japan

I know what you are thinking.. 'Japan?? Isn't there an earthquake?' Well, not everywhere is affected, so this small group from metropolitan Tokyo, Japan managed to come and visit little Kuching *clap clap*

bringing them around our little clinic

chit chat, giving token of souvenir and lunch after.. its cute to see them sweating, fanning themselves and gulping down cold drinks after the spicy shrimp paste (belacan laaa) and rendang and etc..

group photo

yes.. makan.. my little clinic's favourite pastime.. that's why i like it here!
(but my weighing scale begs to disagree..)

Utilitarian.. or Not..

Sometimes I don't understand why I say the things I've said, why I feel the way I felt or why I do the things I've done. I often wonder if I've made the right decisions and if I am able to bear with the consequences.

Its difficult to have to think 10 steps ahead in order to make one move, however unlike chess, u never know if that one move changes the whole scenario to a different board game with new rules and new players, where ur previous effort was wasted and u have to re-think a new 10 steps ahead before making the next move.

I thought that since I've seen it all and done it all, I can apply my experience and pave the 'perfect' flawless path where everyone is happy and there will be no pain, no sorrow, no tears and a happy ending awaits us all.

At the end of the day I knew I think too much and planned too far ahead, behaving like an overprotective like a mother cushioning every single surface in the house for her child, forbidding the child to catch a glimpse of sunlight or a drop of rain. It gets tiring trying to be like an all-knowing God and make decisions based on Bentham's Utilitarian rule 'the greatest happiness' ..basically achieving maximum happiness for the majority, even if my own happiness would be at an expense. but of course, i am no God, and in the end there seems to be more pain than happiness.

Perhaps I need to let go, be free, and learn to live.

But won't it be quite foolish to step into something that u know will have dire consequences only cause that is what had happened before?

Maybe. Maybe not. Cause although the boardgames and the rules are the same, everything else is different. Its like making the same first move again and again in every single chess game but against different people, there will never be two exact same game-play.

Hope (or Pray actually) for the best but be prepared for the worst. That's like so cliché, yet its still the best ol' remedy to live by and it's still around only cause it works.

found something interesting online.. takes a while to understand it though..


just a song i was listening to earlier...

Weekend Eats

Last Saturday i was up and awake outside McDonald's at a little after 7am for breakfast..

I KNOW! McDonald's?? of all places??? shouldn't i been having kolo mee or laksa at least? when's the last time i had McD for breakfast? the answer: Sydney, Australia.. and the 2nd last time? London, UK.

but Malaysia? never.... till that day!

trust me, there really is a rush to McD, the lines keep getting longer and longer so early in the morning..

cause there have an offer of Free 2 Big Breakfast meals with a minimum purchase of RM5! one big breakfast meal is rm7+ so you have a savings of nearly rm15.. however i think the branch in Kuching doesn't have the offer anymore.. for anywhere else, should be till the end of March, just bring this coupon printed out!

and this is how much my greedy family stuffed in that morning.. *burps*

honestly i am not a big fan of fast food breakfast... what i really like?

Dim sum!

the fish porridge at Imperial Duck is nice.. but not the noodle with bean sauce cause that's exactly what it is.. a bowl of noodles with 2 tablespoon of bean sauce.. perhaps its for people who doesn't like much stuff in their noodles..

and at Hong Kong Causeway Bay, i was recently introduced to type of bun called liu sa bao which is a steam bun with salted egg yolk and butter inside, it cant get any more sinful than that! interesting indeed!

yes, double dim sum meal on the same day! it is the weekends after all!

Is What I am Doing Enough?

If you are like me, you'll hate watching the news or reading the papers these days. its just depressing, not exactly the morning headlines you want to wake up to while having your perk-me-up coffee before work.

this land we call home seems to be having more than it could take nowadays

tsunami

earthquake

war

death

flood

fire

animal killing

pollution

global warming

poverty

hunger

human trafficking

...only to name a few. these tragedies affect a big innocent population, and not forgetting the individual victims like robbery, rape, bribery, scams, accidents, murder etc..

its true what they say.. for you to be actually able to read what i am writing here means we are all actually a very lucky handful with a computer and internet access.

yet we still complain too much (myself included) no money to shop, nothing to wear today although our wardrobe is enough to clothe 100 ppl, too much to eat, scars and pimples, fat and thin, no time, why she don't reply my message, why he didn't notice me, busy workload, stuck in traffic jam etc.. etc.. i myself have those days when everything doesn't seem right, but compared to others, they would wish they have the luxury to complain the same thing.. shame on us (i too am guilty as charge)

like the many other kind souls, i do want to help and do my part for humanity. giving donations to charity, volunteering in community services, giving blood, adopting a child programme etc.. etc.. are all these really enough? can it really make a difference? is there just so much one person can do?

and unfortunately i also can't help wondering if whatever contribution i give ends up in the wrong hands. what if my donation never reached the needy but instead swindled by the scammers? or my service has been made used by others for promotion or other selfish cause?

it's like i don't trust my own kind anymore.

i realized that i forgot the one thing i could do that would go direct to the Source without worrying of middle men and third parties.. Prayer. let us all pray that despite what has happened today (as we cant change the past), tomorrow would be a better day for everyone, and that we would all be strong and united as one to overcome all these...

I Close My Eyes and Pray - Justin Bieber

Ohh Ohh Ohh .. and I pray

I just cant sleep tonight.

Knowing that things aint right.

Its in the papers, its on the tv, its everywhere that I go.

Children are crying.

Soldiers are dying

Some people don't have a home

But I know there's sunshine behind that rain

I know there's good times behind that pain, hey

Can you tell me how I can make a change

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

I lose my appetite, knowing kids starve tonight.

And when I sit up, cause my dinner is still on my plate.

Ooo I got a vision, to make a difference.

And its starting today.

Cause I know there's sunshine behind that rain

I know there's good times behind that pain, hey

Haven`t tell me how I can make a change

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

For the broken-hearted.

I pray for the life not started

I pray for all the ones not breathing.

I pray for all the souls in need.

I pray. Can you give em one today.

I just cant sleep tonight

Can someone tell how to make a change?

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and I pray

I pray ..

I close my eyes and pray ..

My Hectic 4D4N Induction Course

For those in the government sector, i am sure u all know about the compulsory Induction course. Mine was for dental officers/dentists (within the 1st year of service) and pharmacists (after 1 year++ working) in Sarawak and it was held in the Regency Rajah Court Kuching.

checking into the hotel at Pending. its not toooo bad (of course not comparing to the hotels in central), although the sheets should be cleaner and bathroom could be improved.

the dining area is white and pleasant with the swimming pool view outside.. (which means i Definitely wont be swimming with people watching while having their meal!) practical for mums watching their kids in the pool.

i've heard good comments about the food here and i agree its not bad and they do try to some varieties over the 4 days but its still the same to me. hotel food is hotel food when u stay any more than 2 days. continental breakfast, traditional cakes for tea, rice noodles western for the main meals etc..

Generally the variety of food in Malaysian hotels is still international compared to the Western countries where if you don't eat bread, you starve or go hunting for cup noodles.

warming up and ice breaking in the beginning with everyone in a circle

learning to work as a team during group work

presentation from the 4 groups

decorating the place with love (our theme that day was Hari Penyayang)

so how tiring was our 4D4N here? well, we have to attend 8am-10pm LECTURES with half an hour breaks for tea and 1.5hours for lunch .. not too bad eh? 6 meals daily with a total of 2 hours break here and there.. but meanwhile, we also had to
- do GROUP WORK like design a logo/slogan etc
- submit group ASSIGNMENTS like essays
- DECORATE the hall with Your own materials (everyday with a different theme) so we walked to the nearby supermarket after we swallowed our food so we weren't late for the next lecture
- PRACTICE for performances on the last day
-STUDY for compulsory-to-pass exam on the last day

sounds fun eh? you bet! i am glad we all survived it!

closing ceremony on the last day

the different performances like choir, Chinese fan dance, hand dance and traditional dance

the young dentists from Sarawak (some have been posted to other places, a few others missing from the picture)

the whole group of 72 participants

i admit i was sulking before going, wondering how many formal and sports attired to bring (hate packing for strict dress code events) and felt lazy when i think about group works and assignments like school days. i rather be doing my work, at least i feel its more useful. but alas, its compulsory.

however, being in the induction made me dissociate and lost from the real working world, as if i am transformed back to my old school days. in the beginning they made us 'hand-over' our jobs as if we quit for 4 days, which was interesting indeed, so we aren't pharmacists or dentists with the title 'Dr', where we come from or where we work now doesn't matter, its like we all have a fresh start as average Joes and Janes and forced to work with strangers to complete tasks after tasks after tasks, and new friendships formed in the end. Everyone was very friendly and cooperative unlike the rat race cause our goal was the same, to complete the tasks and pass our induction!

it was quite a new experience for me, besides becoming a treasurer (Again! i held that post like 3 or 4 times in the past) , becoming the MC for a small part of the event (public speaking was bad enough for someone who has stage fright like myself, what more speaking in Malay in a formal event..) and learning to dance and perform after 1 day's practice (*shakes head*) and in the end i actually left with a heavy heart despite the hectic schedule, endless dry lectures, heavy workload, deadlines and ridiculous things we had to do! what irony.

and when i reached home at 2pm, i just threw my luggage on the floor, laid down on the sofa while my dad talked to me but his voice droned on like a lullaby and before i knew it, i was fast asleep and only woke up for dinner.. that's when i realized how flat out i was!

Beautiful Christchurch Before and After the Earthquake

Do pray for the people of Christchurch and New Zealand, may they be strong when facing this tragedy with mother nature and its aftermath...

ANZ Chamber Building

Ruben Blades

Cathedral

The Regent

CTV Building

Columbo Street

Charlie B Backpackers

PGC Building

Caledonian Hall

Blue Kiwi

Manchester Street

Leather Direct