Sunday, 30 January 2011

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers

if i don't have an hourglass figure, firm and voluptuous curves, full lips, sharp nose, little chin, high cheekbones, killer pins and clear spotless skin, would you still notice me?

if i don't look like a high-heeled, jewellery-covered, fashionably-dressed happening city girl with caked make up, an expensive hair do, carrying a designer handbag and driving a sports car, would you still want my number?

if i don't have a confident look, a strong personality, smart brains, an impeccable memory, an attractive chemistry and the ability to be the center of attention, would you still talk to me?

if i don't party hard on Friday nights, dance like the Think You Can Dance? contestants with loud music, be a sport and play drinking games with the guys, down all the alcohol offered, go out for late suppers every night, would you still ask me out?

if i don't eat like those try-to-be-model-stick-thin who graze only on leaves, or those lucky high-metabolic-rate skinny girls who can devour a cow, or those proper well-mannered princesses who cuts up everything in tiny pieces, would you still eat with me?

if i don't flirt hard, act bitchy, throw lovey dovey words or play the game, would you still reply my messages or call me back?

at the end of the day i am still me, in yesteryear's T-shirt, plain shorts and worn-out flats, a blown-in-the-wind hairstyle, acne-invaded skin, no jewellery or make up, flabby muffin-top figure, sitting in the corner quietly having boring soya bean like a teenage outcast from the last decade..

if one's flaws and imperfections comes in the way, then obviously any feelings or intentions aren't true and sincere to begin with..

it's only human to be superficial sometimes, isn't it?

Saturday, 29 January 2011

She wears short skirts, I wear T-Shirts..

Its been a while since I shed a tear, and to do so now feels so strange and unfamiliar.

Sometimes I wonder what went wrong, what I did to I deserve this. To say I am an innocent angel would be a lie as sometimes to move on with life, I would have to trod onto other people's hearts to protect my own.. and ironically, theirs too.

Hearts fluttering and butterflies in stomachs are phrases unheard of now. Maybe the heart has harden like a scar to protect the vulnerable underlying wound, maybe the mind has forgotten how to love and allow to be loved.

Yes, they say time heals all wound, but How long? People probably say it depends on how deep the wound is but I think that's not the only factor. It also depends if you want to heal in the first place, and thus how strong you are in having faith and believing you can heal.

Somehow there are those who live with an open wound. It amazes me at how strong these people are, being able to bare their pain and still manage their lives even better than the unhurt.

Its really has been a while after a decade of roller coasters and wildfires. Taking time off is a good therapy for the heart mind and soul, but too long a time and one forgets on how to sit back on the roller coaster and buckle up.

Maybe its the fear, maybe more time is needed, maybe there aren't any opportunities, or maybe all these are excuses due to lack of faith.

Perhaps one day things will change, only God knows what awaits in the future. Don't push, don't persuade, don't coax, no one wants to be forced into a wild ride.

Sometimes, before you know it, your comfortable static sofa seat has all along waiting for the right time to expose its wheels and seat belt..


taylor swift's You Belong with Me

Thursday, 27 January 2011

18th FDI/MDA at KLCC

i had an educational weekend in KL a couple of weeks ago, unlike the usual shop+eat+shop+eat.. (basically it became lecture+eat+lecture+eat) most of the lectures are good and informative, given out in an interesting way unlike your typical textbook-style-monotonous lectures. the only problem is i can't put them to use (like whitening, implants, expensive dental stuff..)

my first international dental convention (basically an A1 20CPD points event) at KLCC consisting of 1 day workshop, 3 days back-to-back lectures and lots of trade exhibitions selling anything and everything dental

the opening ceremony

dances of every races

video
Malaysia Truly Asia performance

and there was a generous array of food for the lunch buffet..

..for all 3 days

and morning and evening tea times

the trade exhibition and lots of freebies given out

once its all over, a few of us escaped to Gardens at Megamall (that's how its like in KL, escape from one shopping mall to another) for a movie and dinner

posing randomly at all the fancy CNY decorations

dinner at delicious, where (as claimed) everything is delicious!

nasi kerabu, burger and spaghetti.. not bad actually, but such big portions aren't easy to finish!

however there's still something i miss a lot which i came across at delicious.. and i hope one day i would be able to have it as i haven't had any for half a year now :S

if its any consolation, at least during this trip i finally had my long awaited Rotiboy! yummy!

Miri Dental Congress done, KL International Convention done.. next stop: Borneo Dental Congress at the land below the wind! :) after this, i doubt i want to attend anymore as all these cost a lot of (unclaim-able) $$$$$$..

Friday, 21 January 2011

Another Drive back from Work

I was sitting in my parked car at 5pm, at the last parallal parking spot on the left of the main road as behind my car is a lane forming a T-junction. Its rush hour and several cars still have not given way to me as I was trying to get out of my parallal carpark into the main road. Seems that the cars rather smell each others asses closely, not willing to give way.

A saloon car was turning out of the lane behind me so the cars on the main road gave way. Seeing this opportunity I turned out as well.

Boy, was she rough, she was turning at high speed like she was in a huge rush whereas I was turning out slowly (knowing how traffic is super slow during rush hour with ppl walking around to their cars) and she pressed the hornnnnn on me. Perhaps being dissatisfied having to settle for being behind my ass car, she turned to the right lane which was on oncoming traffic and overtook me and the 5 cars ahead.
Fine, she was then 20meters ahead of me and got home maybe 2.43 minutes earlier.

And this is my Colleague, who I see daily, exchange greetings, even share meals on the same common table occasionally (..once upon a time..)

I admit that I thought colleagues or friends will give way to us on the road cause I myself did that to my colleagues before so they could get out of their parking.

Just a few weeks ago, I was in the same situation looking for an opportunity to turn into the busy main road. Oddly enough, I saw one car stopped and that car also stopped the rest of the traffic to let me go, giving me ample room to turn out into the main road.
Was it my colleague? Not exactly, it was my Big Boss, my Head of Department, the highest ranked in my field in the whole of Sarawak.

As u can imagine he was a busy busy man with his time of gold, and yet he stopped for while to allow me to come out of my car park. I smiled at him shyly and nodded as he smiled and nodded back. I felt embarrassed that this big boss of the state gave way to this tiny fresh subordinate.

But my colleague with just several weeks difference in service as I am, can't spare any time and honed me when I exited in front of her, then fiercely overtook me.

I don't know why I blog about such a small matter. Its just another day being in rush hour jam, but it surprises me that a respectable man I hardly see gave way to me whereas a same-pangkat colleague I see everyday honked and overtook me.

Irony?

Today i overheard a specialist calling that 'honking' colleague S M K which made me wonder what it meant.. then the specialist went on telling the nurses what it meant..

"Dia ni S M K.. S i k .. M a u.. K a l a hhh (Refuse to Lose).. Orang makan keropok dia pun mau makan keropok.. orang pergi tandas dia pun mau pergi tandas.. (People eat snacks she also want to eat snacks.. people go to toilet she also want to go to the toilet..)"

and she (aka. S M K) just smile and giggled sheepishly as she continued forcing her way, cutting the queue ahead of us to go home..

my 2nd tamer colleague and myself giggled as we totally agreed, and using snacks and toilet is a good-enough illustration of what really happen in the working environment, which is better left untold..

"that's what we chinese call 'kiasu'.." i whispered to that colleague.

and today while i was trying to get out again, a 3rd colleague stopped to let me out as i smiled and waved at her. my confidence in colleagues-giving-way-to-other-colleagues is restored again.

Just when i was feeling a little sore from being honked for the 1st time driving at work by someone i actually know, the nickname S M K made me giggle again :) i really like the way God puts spices in my life and cheer me up later on.

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Kick Start 2011 with a Meat-Hunt

what i have been hearing recently is "where's the best duck rice? where's the best steak?" etc etc that after this meaty round of food-hunt in the beginning of the new year, i felt like becoming a vegetarian.

looking for duck rice at Hong Kong Noodle House along Jalan Padungan. Not sure if the Saberkas branch is any nicer. its not too bad.

but the winner so far for duck rice is at Tracy's Kitchen which is parallal to Padungan but at the next left turning from the round-a-bout after the Big Cat of Kuching.

then its hunting for a famous chicken rice at Fang Yuen, behind Hock Lee. it serves only chicken rice, and its nice but the portion was kinda small (for my family, which is average for everyone else)

time for Western with garlic bread, salad and mushroom soup as starters here at My Restaurant towards Pending area. seems that lots of good food tend to hide here.

big portions for a good price.. had mix grill with lamb, ham, sausages etc, steak, ribs, grilled fish and seafood spagetti but for steak, Calvary is more tender. this place seems like nicer-looking Richmond with double the price.

when's the last time i had choc fudge cake with vanilla ice cream? yummyyyyyy i guess being in Malaysia we have more leng che kang/shu ko t'ng/cendol/ABC/ice kacang/white lady etc for desserts as its more refreshing in our weather

which reminds me, i have yet to find a really chocolatey moist fudge cake yet.. might check out Tom's at Padungan for its cakes

western done, revert back to Chinese with the only thing left on the menu uneaten, fish and had some pork as well at Family Cafe near Hui Sing

i think i have probably eaten all the common varieties of meat by now...

well, as long as we enjoy what we eat. as for me, time to focus on vegetables and fruits for the time being... *burps*

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

The Naked Truth about The Double Life

I saw her smiles, the happy expressions, the passionate vibe surrounding a girl in love.

I tried to share the joy but I can't help feeling sorry deep inside.

Cause I heard. And I know. And the rest knows too.

But she doesn't know about his double life.

And noone's telling.

I remember the debate I had with a friend in scenarios like this.. Would u tell ur friend that her bf is cheating on her? What if its ur good friend who's going behind her bf (who is Your brother)'s back? What if ur colleague has an affair with the boss who's wife is ur aunt who treats u very nice?

Would u tell?

'Why cause the heart ache? What she doesn't know won't hurt her'
'Maybe they already know but prefer to live in denial, and if u tell them, they have to deal with it since its out in the open'
'Why interfere with other people's problem?'

Unfortunately I can't help but disagree. Obviously you would know where I stand in this debate now.

'What??? You know ur fren is being cheated on and u laugh with her pretending not to know? Shouldn't u tell her?'

'And burst their bubble? Their happy world of denial?'

'Its the truth! They can't live in denial forever!''

'Maybe they can.. Some people rather live in pretense.. And what if she doesn't want to know to start with?'

'How can she not want to know everything about the guy she's gonna spend the rest of her life with?'

'You'll be surprised..'

'But she's your friend?? Isn't holding the truth from her, pure betrayal? Like siding with the cheater? One day, many years later, when she has kids but divorced she's gonna blame u for Not telling her in the first place!'

'She won't know that I knew.'

'How can u live with that guilt??'

'So you're going to break their relationship just to ease ur guilt?'

'The relationship is already over when one side cheated'

'That's not your call to make. Not everyone sees a relationship the same way as u do. Might not work for u but maybe it works for them'

'But...'

Fine. I rest my case.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, which is why I respected the opinions of those who I disagree with as well.

'If my bf cheats on me, will u tell me?'

'Do you wanna know?'

'YES'

'Then I will tell u.'

'What if my bf is ur best friend?'

'Well...' And the question remains unanswered.

My stand remains the same. I want to know the truth, tell the truth, live in a real world.. even if the truth hurts.

If I am fat, tell me; if I waste time and money; tell me, if I did a lousy job, tell me; if my bf is two-timing me, tell me Everything..

She giggled again and told me her bf is busy with work and couldn't fetch her but he would treat her to a nice dinner to make up for it.

That's the disadvantage of knowing Everything especially the Truth, you just don't know what to do with the information u have especially when it affects other ppl's lives.

Before we ended our conversation, I called out to her. She looked at me with bright shimmering eyes and a smile so sweet I still wonder why the jerk can cheat on such an angel.

'Your BF is CHEATING on you! he went to find the other girl that's why he couldn't fetch you and he has to make up for it cause he's feeling guilty!' my mouth wanted to scream but my voice just managed a croak...

No, it's not that I don't want to, but I could not bring myself to...

'Err.. Have a good time with ur bf tonight... And.. do Take care of urself..'

'Haha I will, thanks helen, that's nice of you...'

No, its not nice of me. I just contradicted myself and denied you the truth, thus joining the opposing team who just smiles knowingly with lips sealed tight, to which i understand why now..

Why oh why do people have to lead double lives?????

Sunday, 9 January 2011

Haven't I been here before?

It is a new year. 2011. But probably that's the only thing that's new. What's the point when its still the same old you? Same irrational thinking, same poor judgement, same old mistake.

The crossroad looks so familliar. I can't believe I am back here again, and again, and again. Hasn't more than a decade taught me anything?

It's like waking up from a nightmare into another nightmare. The only difference is in reality, problems can't be solved by a pinch. If only it's that simple.

You'll probably think, if you've been here before, don't u know which path to choose? Haven't you already suffered the mistakes and misjudgements of yesteryears?

Cause a crossroad in front of your house is different from the crossroad in front of mine. It's the same type of crossroad, but in different scenarios under different circumstances participated by different players, it's Different. Enough said.

I wonder why God put me here again. I'll start complaining and feel frustrated wondering why I am put to this test over and over again. Perhaps cause I never really passed it before. Then I read the verse:

"Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ ( 1 Thessalonians 5:18) "

Give Thanks.. in ALL circumstances.. this is God's Will for you.. In Jesus Christ..

Maybe it's a test to evaluate how I fair, maybe it's a lesson to teach me how to manage tricky situations, maybe it's a challenge to make me stronger.

Whatever it is, Give thanks.

Sometimes I feel like closing my eyes in prayer and ask for the situation to unfold itself as I don't want to go through all this again. I am scared and terrified, I don't want another tear to roll down anyone's cheeks, I don't want another heartache or broken trust, I don't want another friendship falling apart. Please, no more accusation and name-calling , no more argument and fighting, no more unhappiness and sorrow.

New year or not, I feel like I am going through the same old problems.

Then I realized.. things are different now.

The crossroad may be the same, but we have all grown over the years. Our phases in life changed from naive children to foolish youngsters to irrational teenagers to irresponsible university students. This season we have bloomed to young working adults. Surely the way we make decisions now are different compared to old childish ways?

I hope so. I really do. It's all too tempting, it's all too easy, but would it be Right? No longer can we use the excuse of 'being young and immature' as it's about time to grow up, be rational and unselfish and make those tough painful decisions.

Although I fear the worse, I need to trust and have faith. At least I am not alone in this. Hold my hand and walk with me, God, and I pray that You'll guide me in making the right decisions at the crossroad.

..maybe a new year is not the only thing that's new this year after all..

Here I am, standing at the crossroad that looks so familliar once upon a time. Stay calm, take a deep breath, say a prayer.. and have faith when making the 1st step..

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Last meals of 2010

breakfast 1, mince pork kolo mee, chicken chop kolo mee and tauhu at Ta Wan Kung which is near MBKS swimming pool

breakfast 2, lots of kolo mee and 'cheng' at the temple along the old streets of Carpenter Street. i like the bihun here cause its fine, but not too much as its can be oily!

breakfast 3, laksa, kolo mee and pork chop rice at the 1st shop on the left at Padungan street, which i don't highly recommend. Padungan has lots of other nice cafes, dim sum, buns, big Foochow pao and kopi tiams with lots of pork legs.

noon time was spend doing Christmas house visiting

with fellow colleagues and staff

group photo of some of my dental colleagues and staff

dinner 1, stew pork, rectangular salad tau hu and vegetables at Golden Court Seafood, Rock Road, simple and not too expensive

dinner 2 at Topspot aka Bukit Mata Seafood right in central Kuching, which is halal so its Really packed!

having seafood with old high school mates. which reminds me, its about time we have a reunion since its nearly 10 years since we left school!

supper 1 at Basaga Holiday Residences which has hotel rooms, its situated next to Chong Lin Park, opposite West Wood.

had drinks and prata bread. the environment is nice and it reminds me of Secret Sanctuary but not as much facilities

supper 2 at Lato Cafe, back at Brighton Square, Jalan Song. the concept is close to the western style with full of cakes and kuih on display, and it has Earl Grey tea!

but i think my friends won't too impressed with the artificial colourful (and expensive) ice blended drinks!

2011, what new food/cafes/restaurant awaits? :)

and before i pen off,