3

in exactly 2 weeks from this minute the results would be out.. i can already imagine it, heart palpitations, sweating profusely, loss of appetite..

focus, helen, ur finals exam starts in 3 days!!! trying to console myself that by then, more than half the nightmare is over...

"just don't break down, can oredi.." was the advise i got..

easier said then done, i'll say!

count down from 10

first it was 10 days to 1st day of exams.. now 9.. then 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..

then it would be 10 days to the end of exams.. then 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..

tell me, how fast do u count from 10 to 1?

that's how fast i hope time doesn't fly for now, although sometimes it crawls painfully slow like a tortoise and sometimes it flies unexceptionally fast..

funny how as the days passed linearly, the amount of stress builds up exponentially..

mock

became a 'lucky' candidate for a mock viva in front of the whole year today (chose 5 out of 120? what r the chances?) and it was a good experience to know how scary it could be even when its only a mock (although rather consoling to know that the examiners tend to guide u to the right answers as they aim to pass u..) that i totally forgot that 119 pairs of eyes were watching me as i focused on the examiners themselves with my mind going blank..

for me what's harder than not reading, not understanding or not remembering is explaining what i read/understood/remembered. or maybe, i actually didn't read/understand/remember it to start with and try to crap my way out only to dig a deeper hole.

and a tip from a friend? "Act confident!"

my tip? "Don't crap, they KNOW their stuff! if you don't know, Say so!" cause i know that's my most-used phrase during the mock..

the nerve-wrecking viva in less than 3 weeks..

Mid week Cafe Crawl 12 - Soho

Mrs Marengo's at Soho, a vegetarian cafe/bakery (40) with its cousin, Mildred just few doors away. had the yummmy chocolate+raspberry cake and the cheese cake together with the beetroot vegetarian burger.. hmmmm

Fernandez & Wells, also recommended by Time Out, but there's 2 branch near each other, one is the sandwiches and wine, the other with the cakes and famous Monmonth coffee.. (41)

and good old Kulu Kulu with salmon, prawn tempura and avocado rolls with lots of other salmon available.. yums :)

told myself that this is the Last time i would be in central London till exams are over (should i watch a movie or cafe crawl immediately after? i can't believe i am planning this now) and that day marks exactly 30 days before the results are out.

i dont have enough time to study, yet i wish time flies and i am out of here. dillemma~

Cafe crawl 11- Spitalfields

friday afternoon and its back on the road again, with a couple of books so i can console myself that i am attempting to read somewhere between the cakes and tarts.

Carluccio, an italian cafe at Spitalfields

chocolate and pear tart for tea today (38). a bit dryish and i want more chocolate! maybe should have ordered chocolate pudding.

random cafes, spoilt for choices

choose Leon, a casual cheap cafe with lots of pecan pie/tarts, pecan muffins and pecan flapjack.. the pecan pie (39) is really Yums! will go back for it again~

then it's dinner at s&m (sausage and mash) so had sausages with mushy peas instead of mash. it was ok, but maybe i can't judge british cuisine as i don't eat much of it. perhaps should have ordered the specialty instead, or something different like toad in the hole or spotted dick. yes, u heard me. and that is why i have not tried it yet but i will, when i am ready :P

a Happier Monday!

Last Friday was the final sign-up day to submit all requirements to sit for the final examinations in 3 weeks. fortunately for me i managed to finish the (very) last minute clinical work before sign ups, being stressed over it for many, many months now, ever since last year or more in fact.

I considered myself Officially signed up to sit for Finals! :)

in the past few months i have been squeezing 2 patients into my tight 2.5 hours slots due to the time-constraint of meeting sign-up deadlines that sometimes i never get anything done at the end of the day, especially when its urgent and needed to be done on that day! of coz mr. sarcastic wasn't happy as he noticed i was doing it every week, told me off and even marked me down :(

working against time is difficult

Well, today was different. this morning i booked my patient in for a big metal filling on her wisdom tooth and gave her the whole 2.5hours-slot (have attempted like twice to do that filling within 30-45mins but were unsuccessful in the end..)

She was late due to tube delays.

...its fine, i still have 2.25hours.

One temporary filling broke.

...i can quickly fix that, no hurry.

Another came off in the process.

...i'll patch that back too.

1 hour gone. Still have 1.5 hours to spare. Time to get started.

By the time i finished the big metal filling i still have 30mins. i even took my time carving it slowly to look perfect as if i was in 2nd/3rd year. perhaps that was the last time i did that since i was busy with dentures/ root canal treatments/ crowns/ bridges/ extractions/ surgicals etc..

once a while its nice to do something simpLER (didn't say it was simple)

mr. sarcastic took a look and told my patient "That's the best metal filling you have in your mouth!" (and of coz, she has quite alot of metal fillings to the extent that i am doing one on her wisdom tooth right at the back of her mouth, only coz the rest were already previously restored!)

and of course, i picked up that slight hint of surprise in his tone and look.

*beams with pride* :)

"Well done, that is a nice filling," he complimented (so rarely).

"thank you."

"If you put your mind to it, you are actually quite good..."

"if i am not rushing.."

what's That suppose to mean, 'actually quite good'.. hmmmmmmm...

when i was suppose to grade myself, i bravely wrote Merit as most of the time i have only mere passes (even as a finalist >_<) He looked at it and changed one of the 3 grades to Distinction.

"Ok?"

"ok.." i timidly replied.

"Now GO." he said and walked off as i scampered off, wondering if he said that so that he doesn't change his mind.

Woo Hoo! i still remembered the day when i did my 1st white filling (which also surprised him) and he gave me my 1st straight Merits. now on my Last Week Ever in clinics as a finalist dental student, he gave me my 1st Distinction (although for skill only) for my metal filling.

i can bet u my metal filling is way prettier than that~

if there's one thing i learn, its Don't Work Under Pressure, if you don't have time, Don't Do It. unfortunately in dental school, its constant pressure that you just have to strive on making the least mistakes!

and i realized in the past 2 terms/1year under him, i only impressed him Twice. i guess this teaches me another thing, i am better off doing fillings than any other restorative work (or extractions, i can do those!).

'Helen Dental Clinic: Fillings or Extractions only
anything else, please go somewhere else.'

definitely need to cherish today's positive feedback as its so rare (once a year it seems!) and i looked back at South end's mr tutor's comment after all that emotional roller coaster "You've done well, i saw how you work and you are good with your hands, using them correctly. You'll do well in the future.." do miss South end sometimes.

5 years in dental school and i could count with One hand how many positive comments i got. all i can say is, better than NONE. what else could i rely on to pull me through these 5 crazy years??

time to celebrate and cafe crawl? oh wait.. i have exams coming up and finals report write up due.. *grumbles*

doubt that's gonna stop me though!

22-22-22-22

Wow! its 22days 22hours 22minutes and 22seconds to my exams!!

yes i am trying to distract myself from studying that everything else in the world seems so much more fascinating. lame, i know.

22-22-22-22 too little time to read everything, not enough time to even understand, maybe a bit early to start memorizing for short-term memory, enough time to console myself that there's still some time left only to realize there's hardly any time once i start making a timetable and stacking up the notes, telling myself i will finish this module in 2 days but ended up stuck with it for the past week and Still Stuck, then consoling myself i will cram the next 2 modules into 2 days instead.. and the slippery slope begins where time flies by and the stacks hardly moved..

22-22-22-22 shouldn't we already know everything by now? about 4.5+ years in dental school, its not like we were nothing during that time (although i feel that way always) and suddenly in 22-22-22-22 cram the whole 5 years of medicine/dentistry, and on the day of Results you get an enlightenment that "Oh, this doctor-brain is for you since you are officially a doctor in black and white now."

22-22-22-22 some part of me wish i could turn back time and be a teeny weeny bit hardworking at least.. some part of me wish that i could have an extra month to revise.. but most of me is pretty tired now and just wanna graduate and get out of here.. everyone else is working already or even getting engaged/married.. its about time to head on to the next phase in life..

22-22-22-22 to the very second that i am sitting on that desk in the great hall looking down at my examination paper.. then time should fly past the case presentations, the history & examinations, the x-rays, diagnosis, treatment plans and the part i hate the most: the 2Vivas with 3 tutors each..

what 22-22-22-22?? u wasted 22mins+22secs blogging, now u have 22days and 22 hours left! get back to work!! *grumbles*

22days and 21 hours and 59...58...

ouch...

high maintenance-nyer bb... :'(

i wish i have this now..

its mid-week, i am getting my sugar dip (how can helen ever have sugar dips? yes i am making up an excuse) and early signs of constipation (yet another excuse) so its time for some self-prescribed medication..

What should i have today?

chocolate vicarage cake? looks pretty but a tad too creamy with insufficient chocolate..

double triple quadruple chocolate cake? now it looks dry

maybe chocolate ice cream.. but its a bit chilly today

chocolate mousse? not chocolatey enough i think, more mousse-y..

chocolate pudding! looks so moist and chocolatey.. but too much..

a smaller portion with chocolate brownie instead? looks quite moist..

how about combination of chocolate cake and ice cream? yumss

or add some strawberries to make it healthy?

add a hint of pastry with a chocolate tart?

or maybe just head to Ben's Cookies instead for yummy chocolate chip cookies.. but its so far..

or just pick up a chocolate muffin from the nearest bakery..

or a box chocolate truffles from the supermarket? so small, not enough to hit the spot..

how about hot chocolate with marshmallows? hmm i like the chocolate to melt in my mouth, not go down my throat (plus if i cafe crawl i can't do 3-4 cups of chocolate)

or get the real stuff, Chocolates

wait wait!

how about chocolate scones??? now you're thinking!
(that's what my tutors always always say to me after 10+++ wrong answers)

spoilt for choices, time to hit the road again!
(sorry for chocolate-haters who got overdosed..)

Cafe Crawl 10 - City

Monday May Bank holiday is not the best time to look for cafes especially in a business-filled area..

after passing by 4 Starbucks Cafes i finally found one that's opened and had the juicy fruit scone (36)! definitely a first time for me to go Starbucks on my own.. for tea! anyways it was quiet in the cafe and they saw me checking that my scone is warm or not and offered to heat it up..

of coz i said yes, i like my scones fresh from the oven.. and what a surprise when i got it back.. it was flattened like a panini! hoho.. but its warm which was good, and Starbucks scones have the biggest juiciest raisins so far. yums.

passed by a Turkish cafe called Haz outside of St Pauls, nice setting. i noticed they had some cakes so i dropped in.

i think its one of the rare times when i accidentally found scones (cause i always always survey first)

so i tried the scone (37) here, it was so so but the Turkish sesame simit (round bread) was nice, and Huge, reminds me so much of Turkey and very filling indeed!

Another girl who was studying hard in the cafe and she saw me with a book so she asked "Studying as well? All the libraries are closed today!" to which i responded "Yes, that's why i am here!" and when i told my friends that, they went "Ya Right, u Cafe-Crawl even when ALL the libraries are Opened!"

*snickers * now to get back to reality again.. 27 days to go..

Sweet Sinful Laxative

i remembered the day i had a chocolate brownie and a chocolate cake in the same afternoon.. that night i answered a big-nature's-call/no.2/big-business/poo-poo/bowel-movement/defecate/whatever-u-called it...

...and the next morning, another Two times. its a rare case for so much bowel movement in 12 hours for me to have to go to the ladies 3x, but i didn't think much of it.

last Thursday my patient gave me a box of Celebrations chocolates and i ate about half box (about 15 pieces?) of mini chocolates...

...and the cycle repeats.. 3x in 12 hours..

that's when i Googled that chocolate Does have a laxative effect if taken in Bigger amounts (no, a ferrero rocher or 2 isn't enough).. doesn't have much evidence about it but most people said chocolate moves their bowel and i could be one of them, it works even better than prunes for me as i ever downed 1L of prune juice when i was constipating and hardly-anything-happened.. or swallowed 350g of prunes for a miserable-business after all that stomach churning like a washing machine..

this morning i finished the remaining 6 pieces of mini chocolates once i woke up, and lo and behold, went to the toilet 30minutes later! nearly forgot about the laxative effect before that.

and it has been certified, chocolate has so far worked as the BEST laxative ever for me, and it doesn't come with that horrible churning feeling prunes gave me. best of all, its sinfully delightful! (try drinking 1Litre of prune juice in a night to overcome constipation, tastes like medicine by half litre..)

oh dear, bye bye fruits and vegetables, chocolate is the way to go for my bowel! i think my GI system wants its daily dose..

of course, everyone loves a clear GI system first thing in the morning.. but side effects of rotten teeth or being hyper or risking diabetes or calories-pilling or getting broke.. now that is another story.. don't say i didn't warn you..

Call me crazy...

i remember this shot was pretty recent,
in fact it was just last week at camden..

me.. and the long straight hair i lived with for 7 years..

why suddenly reminiscing u wondered?

it was past midnight, marking the 29-days-left-countdown to finals. i was alone in the room trying to avoid the stacks of books and notes, the finals report, the clinics, the requirements..

it was bad enough that chopped my long straight tresses off, i went further and destroyed the cut..

the end result, only cause layers can escape the worst of mindless chopping.. i didn't know at what point i realized i had to place the scissors down, but luckily it was as soon as possible!

29 days.. what other 29 crazy things to do to overcome stress? perhaps i should just stick to my box of chocolates or tub of ice cream.. thankfully hair can grow back, just don't go tattooing or piercing eyebrows... or get drunk and wake up married..

Pre-Exam Cafe Crawl 9 - West End

yes, i know i am suppose to be saving money and studying.. but since i gotten a 'little' financial boost and its the long 3-days-weekend, i hit the streets again..

there's many cafes along Berwick Street alone, vegetarian cafe Beatroot, famous coffee Flat White, the Pastry Pilgrim (looks like Princi but no where near as occupied), Vital Ingredients and Foxcroft & Ginger

i chose Yumchaa as it was recommended by my friends since it has scones (34).. pros is the scones are cheap (£2.10 for 2) and has the option to be toasted, the cons is they weren't that great, kinda bready to me. but i like the idea of being able to choose what tea you like based on smelling the little cups.

Amorino italian ice cream looks really interesting.. nearby there's Nam, a Vietnamese place and Bar Shu for Sichuanese food.

decided to check out Maison Bertaux (35) since its in London's best afternoon tea (i realized i checked out 6/21 of the places recommended, gonna check out 2 more next time and Not touch any of the too-expensive-high-end places) actually i read a lot of mixed reviews about this place, even Time Out gave 2 stars, dunno why i still wanted to check it out anyway. i have to agree, its pricey £3 for tea and £4 for a slice of profiterole cake? wow.. had to savour every drop and mouthful even after the 2 scones..

looking back at this half-eaten-profiterole-cake picture, i could not believe i could have devoured that much chocolate/cream/pastry/sugar/fat/whatever-that's-going-to-my-hips.. and its not that great, perhaps should try the lemon cake, cheesecake or apple crumble that was recommended..

and it also makes me wonder how i could have eaten most of this box of Celebrations chocolates in 24hours as well (thanks to my patient for this present!), munching each piece of chocolate as i if i am eating a bag of crisps..

and now i remembered.. its that email regarding sign ups, a very nice warning reminder that i am the Only Malaysian student here not signed up to sit for the Final examinations which is in 4 weeks.. even had a 'sweet dream' prior to this email that the Dr in charge just signed me up anyways only to wake up and read this email >_<" goes to show that i unconsciously hoped he would do that!! and i will continue hoping. for non-dentistry folks: basically u need to complete several requirements eg. Crowns to be signed up aka. Qualified to sit for the final examinations

have faith helen, you will Definitely gonna be able to sit for exams.. just focus on Studying for it regardless! don't go reaching for those last few pieces of bounty, milky way, truffles, galaxy, mars and snickers bars now..