Wednesday, 31 March 2010
+a couple of them could not locate my vein so they called a more-experienced nurse
+blood is flowing kinda slow
+the puncture continued bleeding even after 5 minutes (usually it stops in 1-2mins) so they bandaged my whole elbow and made me wait another 10 minutes
today was an exception, because..
1> i had been a vegetarian for the past 36 days (with alternating every 6 days is 1 meat day) and i was kinda curious when they did the iron test to make sure i have enough blood to donate.. it looks lesser than normal, but still can-donate-blood level, so Yay!
i have a healthy-enough-vegetarian-diet-with-occasional-meat (duh, considering the amount i eat, its more of a too-much-food-diet) so all these not-enough-of-some-essential-nutrients-if-you-cut-out-certain-food-groups talk only applies if you are hardcore or did it for years i suppose..
2> More than 1 of these little complications happened: trouble allocating the vein AND my blood was flowing kinda slow. the younger nurse overseeing me called the more-experienced nurse over at least 3 times who had to re-adjust the fat needle a couple of times (and its No fun having a needle already in your vein being moved about again and again..)
"What's the problem?" i asked
"The blood is flowing a bit slow, that's it," the young nurse said.
"How fast is it suppose to flow?"
"About.. 30mls/min.. and the donation should be done in about 15 minutes.. (the usual donation is 500mls)"
"How about mine?"
"(a little hesitant) ..about 8mls/min.."
"owh...." (that's less than half!)
"It was about 30 mls/min when the nurse was here earlier, i guess your blood is stubborn and wants special attention.."
(well, i am in the medical field, so i know that's just a very nice way of saying 'You need special care by someone more experienced cause something isn't right and i don't know what to do..')
"Is there a problem?" i asked the older nurse.
"No no.. of course not. You have small veins, and they are perfect for someone your size. You have your veins and that's what you are given ..etc etc.. its only difficult for us cause we want your blood but for you, you are perfectly fine.. etc etc.."
"Even earlier we had difficulty allocating your veins so I am not surprised at all.. in fact, i can feel your vein is having spasms.."
(i did think there's some weird tingling feeling as if the vein is jumping about, for a second i thought blood is flowing back Inwards.. but i know that's impossible..)
"so.. there's a problem?"
"Perhaps the vein has been used again and again and its starting to (???? medical term used, i forgot what, sclerose? fibrose? scarring? not heal perfectly? basically imagine stabbing a plastic tube again and again.. ) and might not be able to donate blood.."
"now??" i would be terrified if suddenly my donation today just 'cancelled' half way..
"not now.. but in the future.."
"oowh.. so next time, i can't donate?"
"well, that's next time. let's worry about now first. next time could be different again.."
(ps: medics out there, please explain the terms/condition that i am describing..)
the rest of the procedure was fine, just that i took a longer time compared to the others. after resting and making sure the bleeding has stopped, i had a drink while the admin made another appointment for me in july.
"change hand?" someone suggested
"no.. i need my right hand for dentistry, and what if i need to have blood tests, IV for emergencies etc.." i randomly replied.. "if they can't squeeze anymore from my left hand, i suppose next time.."
"ya.. donating is donating, but your hand is more important," was an advice from a friend.
(and no, i don't think i am capable Yet to write reviews or be a professional food blogger although i played with the idea before.. i just love to eat-non-stop on some days or talk nonsense on other days.. and i don't have a good-enough camera to take good shots of food which do them justice..)
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
this morning i saw my patient again since i failed to achieve what i wanted to achieve last week. i Must get it done today. a lot things were running through my mind... only doing the first few stages today, patient can't come in till mid April, the last day of clinic is 2nd week of May, everyone knows dentures take ages to complete BUT if i get this done today since i didn't get it done last week, at least i am one step closer..
somewhere along the line between the secretary who did not turn up, the equipment which does not work, the nurse who was not thorough, the patient who has health conditions, the tutor who has his strict rules and the dental school which imposes crazy deadlines.. i got caught in the middle.
so imagine my reaction when it was 11.05am (session ends 11.30am) and 2 failed attempts later since 10.50am..
"You are not doing this today, there's not enough time, there's another group coming in later." mr sarcastic said and walked off.
WHAT? BUT if i don't get this done today, i won't have anymore time! how can i cram in another 5-6 visits in mid Apr-May when i need to send lab work off which takes another 2 weeks for my dentures and i have another 4 patients to attend to!! no no noooooo way..
11.05am. technically i have 25 minutes. and the 2nd group are 2nd year students practising on phantom heads, are you serious? (no offence to 2nd years) here i am, a finalist struggling just before finals and you are taking away precious 25 minutes which delays my work another 2 weeks to make room for 2nd years practising on phantom heads at 11.45am?!?!
besides, i took the last 15 minutes for these 2 failed attempt, a 3rd go should only take the most 8 minutes?
i called the nurse over to help while i prepare my 3rd attempt.
and who decides to turn up? oh well.
"Are you trying again Now?" mr sarcastic surprised me from behind. it was very similar to last month's desperation scene where i insisted on doing something he won't allow me to do.
"Yes.. i would be quick.."
"You won't have the time, there's another group coming in and you need a good 5-10minutes to clean up," he continued and looked at me.
I think was surprised me was i Did not move or react. I was still holding onto my equipment as if i could not register what he said. the tutor and the nurse were still looking at me.
the truth is i could not accept it. i dare not think of the ugly consequences IF i didn't get this done now, i just want it DONE!
"I will help you next time," mr sarcastic said, and That surprised me even more. i slowly placed my equipment down and he left.
(one thing you must know with mr sarcastic, he hardly hardly ever helps, and even if he does, its only when you are hanging on a thin thread and he has no choice to help or else work can't be completed.. but to be offered help in advance, just a couple of months before graduating..)
i think that's when it struck me of how stressed and helpless i was. and embarrassingly enough, i suddenly welled up in tears. its one of those scenarios where you seem fine or strong no matter how horrible it gets, but the minute someone show sympathy saying 'awww, you alright? poor u' and you suddenly burst into tears cause you realized how pitiful you are. i don't know about you, but that's how i function.
i had to pace up and down for a good 5 minutes before i could face the patient with a bright smile saying "Alright, see you in a few weeks time for your next appointment!" and then i sneaked off to yin hui's clinical bay where she was still working on her patient to continue my self-sympathizing.
i know of course mates who burst in front of their tutors under all these loads of stress, and yes i agree that's a good technique which works wonders especially with male tutors. in fact i saw that in action again today during feedback time when a colleague's eyes suddenly when extra huge & shiny like those japanese animes and the tutor granted her a good grade. however, i am not one of those who play the sympathy card so i had to hide myself making sure i was unseen.
during the feedback session, surprisingly enough mr. sarcastic took an opposite approach from last time's desperation moment, he said this and that happened which caused my failed attempts, and if things don't work out, just skip that stage. he even granted me a better grade than i expected. and during all that, i dare not face him as i was afraid he would suspect. it was really awkward staring at some papers while your tutor is talking to you.
another 8 weeks to finals. i am desperate to graduate.
Monday, 29 March 2010
mains: Bulgogi (Grilled marinated beef)
and Kimchi Seafood jjigae (Stewed kimchi seafood hotpot)
desserts: msian/nyonya version of In jeol mi (sweet rice cake covered with toasted bean powder)
which is sweet sticky cake covered with dessicated coconut =P
and this new week marks the Holy week, the last week of Lent leading up to the Easter weekend. 6 days left out of 40 days of abstinence from meat, from chocolates and from 3-nightly-hours of internet. it has been a trying time.
Sunday, 28 March 2010
and to push it a notch higher, i switched my laptop off as well to reduce carbon print (only to increase it back with my candle!) and i try to resist calling someone up on my mobile although i can't help sending sms.
i discovered that there is really nothing much you can do in a dark room with no electronic gadgets except Sleeping (and unfortunately i was not sleepy).. perhaps exercising.. or retrospect on life.. all the same, that was one of the longest 60minutes i ever had! yes, i live in a generation where we need electricity to survive.
and talking about 60minutes, we are gonna be back on daylight savings time so we will lose 60minutes of Sunday, meaning at 1am it would become 2am instead! our weekend has just been cut short of an hour just like that! (although technically we are returning borrowed time after 6months)
60minutes. you don't realize how long it is when you have no electricity and only your awake-self to entertain, you don't realize how important it is when you lose it.
its the first time i ate in a museum or art gallery cafe (as Time Out recommended), and many many more to come!
Friday, 26 March 2010
+i either shop till i drop in a go, coming home few hundred pounds poorer in 3 hours.. or buy nothing in 3 months..
+i either eat non stop in a few days (like eating out 3-4 meals a day) .. or don't even cook for a week after..
+i either travel to many places in a go when i am in the mood.. or just stay cooped up in my room and not even bothered to go to the nearby supermarket for essential groceries..
+i either talked to friends for hours and hours in a day.. or just not contact at all for the next few weeks..
+i either exercise a lot in a go like jog/swim/walk everyday.. or just not exercise for the next month..
+i either study a lot for a finals coming in a month.. or just not study in the next 11months..
+i either love deeply and give everything.. or not care at all..
perhaps i am an extremist in a way. my concept is if i want to have a great time i'll go all out (eg. travel 3 hours or going to Hilton, Park Lane for afternoon tea) and if i am not gonna have a good time why even bother (too lazy to even buy a fresh loaf of bread now from the supermarket 5 minutes away..)
i wonder if the reason i have the 'nothing' effect later is cause i went 'all out' to start with that i burn out and could not be bothered at all afterwards.. maybe in certain scenarios like overspending-first-saving-mode-later and of obviously, not-caring-anymore-after-loving-deeply..
what happened to moderation?
Thursday, 25 March 2010
..those who keep updating their gadgets ever so frequently constantly, observing the latest invention to hit the market
..and those who only get them when they have no other choice, like when their nokia 3310 dropped into the toilet bowl
i was having a conversation a couple of days with my bestie about buying new things to bring home and she gave me her list..
+ a new SLR (although she bought a sony a200 slr last year) whilst i was still hanging onto my 2-year-old 7.2Mp sony cybershot which i bought only cause my previous sony camera was stolen back in 3rd year..
++ the new 3G Iphone (although she already has an iphone) whilst i was still playing with my 4-year-old 2.0Mp sony ericsson w700i, which i bought only cause i need a new hp contract way back in 1st year
+++ a new desktop (although she already upgraded to a desktop 2 years back) whilst i keep reformatting my nearly-4-year-old compaq laptop, which i bought only cause my previous Acer laptop was sabotaged by a careless cleaner who spilled a glass of water on it, also way back in 1st year..
its pretty clear we were on different ends regarding gadgets, like she would be surveying for a 320gb (or more) hard disks while i was still burning CDs and dvds.. i guess some people just love surveying for gadgets & updating their collections whilst some people like myself are just too ice-aged..
months ago my parents have already told me to get a 3G phone since i was going to Japan for electives (yes, my phone is too ancient to be accepted by the mobile network in Japan) but i was still in denial, but recently..
+my sms are sent or received long After they are Supposed to be sent or received
+my screen has gone black although it's still switched on, forcing me to restart it
+the phone says 'Please Enter SIM Card' although obviously, i won't suddenly remove my SIM card in the middle of the day
+it becomes jammed or lagged, just like my laptop
+i couldn't hear the person on the other side of the line
+..or the other person couldn't hear me speaking!
i think i was still in denial as i could still cope with all that (and blame the network for the fuzzy line), but a couple of weeks ago my patient told me that every time i called to make an appointment, the line was not clear or she could not hear it properly so she had to strain her ear.. and honestly, that was embarrassing enough!!
or maybe i should just opt for something different..like a nokia..
or a sony ericsson..
and come to think of it, maybe i do that to all my stuff, not only gadgets. a friend even said that i take-good-care-of-my-things since i have been using them forever, although its more of i-am-lazy-to-update-them.. funnily enough, last year in japan when ahui said her shoes were abit worn and she might throw them away, ashie made a good comparison to me as her shoes were only 'suffering a flu or a scratch' whereas my things were 'in ICU/intensive care unit and revive again and again with a defibrillator' cause she remember seeing me still wearing my worn dirty out-of-shape shoes where the inner soles has even fallen out!
perhaps the only time i enjoy purchasing is the occasional shopping-mood and FOOD. definitely love surveying/shopping for food and new places to try.
so buying a new mobile is more of a burden than a joy to me. meanwhile, i'll stick to the my-mobile-network-isn't-so-good excuse..
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Monday, 22 March 2010
great reminiscence of japan with green tea, red bean & black sesame desserts, lots of sushi and the unique cold udon..
and i agree with a friend's idea: marry a japanese!
Saturday, 20 March 2010
i think negativity is like a spectrum, from the milder symptoms of feeling lousy or low.. to being more agitated or frustrated.. to being stressed or hostile.. and then to being depressed and suicidal at the other end of the line.. some days i can feel upset for being late for clinics because i have to endure the scoldings later on but things work out by dinner time.. some days i could feel fat & frustrated for over binging.. some days i could feel stressed regarding dentistry and have sleepless nights.. and of course, everyone would admit to some degree of depression for various personal reasons..
what could be worse than not recognizing depression is ignoring it, intentionally or not. maybe there is a correct place, a correct time, or a correct person to approach such scenario. maybe. or maybe all these are excuses to ignore the fact because knowing someone is in trouble means bearing the responsibility to offer help, so just pretend you don't know, right? if you really want to help someone, wouldn't you make an effort to find the right time and right place?
its true what they say, anyone can laugh with you but how many would cry with you? like literally. when you're throwing a party or having a good time, 101 friends would come knocking at your door.. but what happens when you are down, alone and feeling all depressed? did anyone drop by to pay a visit? did anyone send a message asking you out? did anyone even care to say 'Hi'? does that mean these 101 friends are plain superficial?
perhaps a lot of people assume someone else would do it. 'i'm not close enough.. i don't see that person much.. i didn't think there's a problem.. i didn't know its that serious.. i am busy anyway.. someone else can help him out, why should i even bother.. i give up.. he can't be saved anyway.. ask someone else to help.. he'll pull through anyway.. i got my own life to worry about.. '
in times of joy everyone jumps into it for a slice of cake, in times of trial everyone turns the blind eye pretending there wouldn't be any dirty dishes later or assuming someone else would do them..
disappointing, disappointing, disappointing... what happens to conscience? would you be able to live with it knowing that your ignorance has affected someone's life or destroyed someone's future? would you be able to live with the guilt? what happens if someone took the leap or did the slit, what happens then? how would you explain to the grieving family as the 'friend' who didn't-know-what's-happening?
if you are close enough to chat with someone, to hang out with someone, to share a meal, attend the same party, even travel together or be on the same course.. wouldn't you be close enough to say "Hi? how are you today? Need anything? i can help to.." just a thought..
i believe early intervention can prevent the slippery slope to depression, and professional help is out there for a reason; higher authorities, parents, counsellors, advisors.. only if you seek them or alert them first of the problem. someone needs to take the first step, even if it's as simple as being a friend who cares...
Who gets depressed?
- Depression is very common.
- Between 5 - 10 % of the population are suffering from the illness to some extent at any one time.
- Over a lifetime you have a 20 %, or one in five, chance of having an episode of depression.
- Women are twice as likely to get depression as men.
- Getting depression is not a sign of weakness. There are no particular 'personality types' that are more at risk than others. However, some risk factors have been identified, these include inherited (genetic) factors, such as having parents or grandparents who have suffered from depression and non-genetic factors such as the death of a parent when you were young.
What causes depression?
- We do not fully understand the causes of depression.
- Genes or early life experiences may make some people vulnerable.
- Stressful life events, such as losing a job or a relationship ending.
- Some physical illnesses, drug treatments and recreational drugs.
Symptoms of depression
Stress can lead to you to feeling 'down' and 'miserable'. What is different about a depressive illness is that these feelings last for weeks or months, rather than days. In addition to feeling low most or all of the time, many other symptoms can occur in depressive illness (though not everybody has every one).
- Being unable to gain pleasure from activities that normally would be pleasurable.
- Losing interest in normal activities, hobbies and everyday life.
- Feeling tired all of the time and having no energy.
- Difficulty sleeping or waking early in the morning (though some feel that they can't get out of bed and 'face the world').
- Having a poor appetite, no interest in food and losing weight (though some people overeat and put on weight - 'comfort eating').
- Losing interest in sex.
- Finding it difficult to concentrate and think straight.
- Feeling restless, tense and anxious.
- Being irritable.
- Losing self-confidence.
- Avoiding other people.
- Finding it harder than usual to make decisions.
- Feeling useless and inadequate - 'a waste of space'.
- Feeling guilty about who you are and what you have done.
- Feeling hopeless - that nothing will make things better.
- Thinking about suicide - this is very common. If you feel this way, talk to somebody about it. If you think somebody else might be thinking this way, ask them about it - IT WILL NOT MAKE THEM MORE LIKELY TO COMMIT SUICIDE.
Friday, 19 March 2010
after resting for an hour, we were off food-hunting again!
maybe nothing i did today was St Patrick-ish, but it was a good excuse to eat non-stop again. and tomorrow its gonna be Friday, which means, Friday-Saturday-Sunday (with meat & choc) weekend extravaganza coming up!! should i register for Overeaters Anonymous?
Thursday, 18 March 2010
fine. i confess. i can't get a food-free life so i'll just accept it.
after all, if you can't fight it, join it..