My 24th Birthday

very much delayed blogpost, i know. its more like my birth'week' instead of birthday, having time off from studies for at least 4 days! (unfortunately that means time off blogging too!)

Saturday lunch at a nice french restaurant, Clos Maggiore, Covent Garden with my galpals :)

we had the 3 courses for £19.50... the food was not too bad, dessert was much better than the mains.

Saturday night dinner at Yauatcha, Broadwick St with my 2 besties, we had the most expensive dimsum ever.. just venison puff, soft shell crab and steam mushroom dimsum already cost nearly £25! i bought a little £4.80 chocy mousse cake for myself, apparently the best cake :D

Birthday night dinner at Italian Restaurant, Dolada, Mayfair, we had the 4 courses for £26. the food was so so.. dessert had liquer which came as a surprise.. and interesting caramalized fruits..

and of course.. a nice home cooked birthday meal (which i evilly requested) Singaporean chilli crab (using soft shell crab!), bayleaf chicken and mantao.. superbly delicious!!! .. thanks!! :)

and the many many yummillioussss cakes..
+yauatcha's choc mousse cake with my besties
++surprise choc cake by peikee & gang at Dawson Hse
+++surprise colourful butter icing cake by my dentistry coursemate and exhousemate in Southend
++++a huge array of surprise choc cupcakes by ash and the gang at Floyer Hse at 12am.. notice the top cupcake with 4 items that represent helen: Laptop (with the word Helen for my blog), a molar tooth, a camera.. and a book (which she placed behind the laptop screen to hold it up.. typical of helen to prioritize her laptop before her books..)

and my birthday pressie? a Radley handbag (that i've been surveying for weekssss!!) nice surprise, well done, gals! ;P

yes, cake overdose, but i love them all!!! and i finished all of them up already... erm...

thanks to besties and my galfriends in London, and also to all my friends who wished me
:):):)

college: the days of yesteryears in rural town called Banting.. where i would celebrate my birthday in pyjamas at midnight, having friends pouring water on me.. wearing a homemade birthday paper hat made by Pei Lian who is tying up the ribbon.. using some random scented candle as my birthday candle which i have to hold myself.. and One Chocolate Donut (somemore in a Plastic Bag held by Pei Pei, not even on a decent Plate!!!) as my cake to share with many friends..

now: Pei Lian, Pei Pei and I in a classy restaurant in central London, UK, 5 years later.. definitely came a long way since the days of college...

but does that mean that the days of 5 years ago were worse? or now, 5 years later, is alot better? it's a thought.. and soon, this 5-year-phase would come to an end like how high school and college seemed so long ago, and soon the working phase would begin.. time really flies..

25 hours

i got 1 more hour to be 23 today :)

happier yesteryears

i've been told again and again by like 3-4 people now..

"dont let all these get into you.."

"all you talk about is dentistry!"

"thats just his style, he does that to everyone.. not only u!"

"just take any positive advice, whatever sarcastic critism, let it fly out your ear!"
"if it makes u happy, i myself didnt.. etc..etc.."

"stop being so negative.. u make 1 mistake but did 10 good ones and all u focus on is ur 1 mistake!"

"dont be so stressed! where's the happy helen???"

yes i wonder too. where's the happy helen?

all i see now is a stressed, tired and constantly-worrying helen..
..hoping she can cram a 5-year-course in 3 weeks..
..hoping her tutor doesn't bite too much again..
..hoping her headaches and workload doesn't kill her yet...
..thinking of how she broke her model today, how the anaesthetic wasn't done right, how she couldn't answer the questions or defend herself convincingly, how her confidence always crash.. its just another rotten day, as usual..

i decided to just take a break tonight. push all the books one side, shut out clinics and turn the radio on (Magic: StressBusters, just what i need!) ...

..listening to the old songs of britney spears & ronan keating reminds me of my carefree days in high school, of how we were so into puppy love and everything seemed so silly but fun & exhilarating then..
..listening to avril lavigne & cold play reminds me of my happier days in college, gossiping into the late nights with my friends and doing random stupid things..
..listening to leona lewis & rihanna reminds me of the earlier years in uni, where we had our own karaoke in the room, play futsbal, table tennis, basketball, football, Dota, Risk or Monopoly every fri & sat nights, outings & picnics during weekends, easter and christmas holidays with my friends or family..
..even listening to michael jackson's billie jean reminds me of the fun karaoke night with other japanese students (& senseis.. hehe) during my electives in Okayama, Japan..

the happier old days where happy helen was.. where are you?

But then again...

hmm.. another dentistry emotional roller coaster series?

let's set the scene.

Last year:
mr Prof planned a 'challenging' treatment plan to be done by an undergraduate, and i took on the case just recently.

Monday:
mr sarcastic looked at the radiograph and asked the opinion of mr nice of how impossible this case is. i was send to seek the 3rd opinion of mr consultant who agreed and told me to tell mr sarcastic to have a word with ms specialist endodontist. of coz, mr sarcastic sent me to find this ms specialist endodontist instead. while hunting all morning i even bumped into mr specialist prosthodontist who looked into the case and agreed with all of the them.

that's when i got told off for not knowing much earlier that the case is too complex for me. my task at hand now is to find ms specialist endodontist to refer this case to her.

(confused yet?)

Today:
i must have invaded the specialist clinic 10 times since monday to hunt down this ms specialist endodontist. once i saw her, she saw the radiograph and had a skeptical look to whether she can do it, but according to her, i have to find Her consultant to approve that she can take on this case.

haih. the ball was pushed from mr sarcastic to mr consultant back to mr sarcastic who told me to find ms specialist endodontist who now ask me to find her mr consultant 2.

i was so close to giving up saying that i couldn't hunt any of them down, but at 4.15pm today i decided to find this mr consultant 2, who has his own nice secluded office and his own secretary.

just makes u feel so small to find a consultant who is supervising the specialists.

"Hello! Who are You?"

"hi.. i am a final year dental student.."

"Congratulations! What can i do for u?"

"i have this case... etc.. needs to be referred to a specialist to do..."

He looked at the radiograph and mr Prof's letter with the challenging treatment plan.

"Refer? You Can do this!"

har?!?!?!?!?!?!

"It's Easy!"

Two dentists (mr sarcastic & mr nice ) Two Specialists (ms specialist endodontist & mr specialist prosthodontist ) and One Consultant (mr consultant) just told me that it has a poor prognosis, that it's complex.. that a specialist should do it IF she wants to..

"This is a Professor's Letter! Who is your tutor to question this letter??"

"er.. dr (xxx) .. " aka mr sarcastic.

"Dr xxx??"

"yes.. he said it's complicated.."

"What's the worst that could happen? another surgery?"

"she is scheduled for a 3rd surgery.."

"There you Go!"

"but my tutor said that it should be done by an endodontist.."

"No, You can do it, with a little help, but You can. We don't have many endodontists, and You are the Future Endodontist.."

"ok.. just that he.."

"WHO am I???"

i was caught offguard there.. did i constantly defend or explain that he Had to EXERT his authority?? what was i thinking.. an undergraduate who keeps disagreeing with a highly-authorative-consultant??

at first i thought i could save a tooth a dentist and 2 specialists failed to save. now i keep disagreeing with this highly-authorative-consultant!! Get back down to Earth!

i just had to make it clear now if not mr sarcastic would have another go at me for not getting a simple task done..

"...a consultant?.."

"and the Lead Clinician Here. I say You can do it. Is dr xxx in Now?"

"no.. but he will be in tomorrow. i have a session with him tomorrow.." (its thursday afterall)

"Then I would have a word with him tomorrow morning."

"ok.."

now i am officially confused.

on a positive note, mr consultant/lead clinician thinks I could do it too!!! very experienced = naiveness? so why climb the ladder of senior house officer/dentist/registrar/specialist/consultant..

so would i be embarking to save this tooth with 0% success rate?

did i get mr sarcastic into trouble?

it is going to be very interesting morning tomorrow. don't you just loveeeee Thursdays?

Can't know Everything

"If a specialist were to do this treatment, the success rate is 20%. if i were to do it, 10%. if YOU were to do it.."

"..0%.."

"shouldn't book the patient in if you can't do the treatment.. refer, discuss with the specialist, or at least discuss with me last week.."

"i thought i could do it.."

(i know many other students who did similar treatments, but perhaps not as complex.. A painful tooth treated non-surgically by a dentist once and treated surgically twice by specialists.. failed failed and failed again.. and now it can be saved by an unqualified undergraduate? )

"today ur downfall is u can't tell that u r not capable to do this."

perhaps brainwashing myself with the thought 'you are a finalist, you should know this that this that.. practically everything!! ' is not a good idea.. must not only recognize and improve the lower limits of my capabilities, but to acknowledge my upper limit as well.

'just a finalist dental student.. u aren't that great u know!'

i thought it was bad enough not knowing stuff, but it's even worst not knowing that you don't know.

nonsensical on a saturday night

it's true what my friend mentioned last night, we don't have a life now.. or more accurately, our lives = dentistry. we wake up thinking whether our patients could come in, spend our days in clinics and whatever free time left in the dental laboratory, talk about patients/tutors/exams/requirements to our colleagues over lunch or dinner (or even till late like 12.30 last night!), then try to cram more dental stuff into our tired brains at night, and for myself, having sleepless nights thinking what my tutors will grill me with the next day.

i know i shud b studying now, but as usual, everything else is more interesting even if it means blogging something nonsensical.

just a random note to most of my 24-year-old peers, i am still younger than u! (better say that while i still can..)

some friends were asking me what i want this year.. actually there are several things that i want every year (like a voucher for liposuction.. a new wardrobe following that would be nice too.. and the guy of my dreams to top it all.. maybe a more efficient brain actually.. or just give me my uni degree already!!! felt like i've been studying for centuries now..) but yeah, back to reality. what do i want this year? after googling/ebaying/surveying.. something caught my eye.. but the price tag? hmm, i think i should just treat myself to it anyway.

afterall, 9 months left in london, it's about time to get materialistic and start shopping branded stuff to bring home, right? i think it would look funny if i were to be a London graduate but carry a rm20 handbag from petaling street to work.

(new work clothes? new skirts and dresses? new shoes? new bags? new watches? accessories to match like belts etc? new jewelleries? even new laptop and mobile phone? at least a 3G and minimum 3.2Mp camera! and i don't even have a nice gown or stunning dress, what if someone asks me out on a surprise date?? wear jeans with trainers?? and i only have one pair of formal clinical shoes that is worn cause i wear them 24/7 for months, if rosak i go into clinics barefooted liao.. and my handbag has holes!! urgh.. the list continues... i realized most of my stuff were since college or fresher days, its about time i grow up into a lady, no? but all need $$$$$$...)

if i have a certain amount of money.. should i buy 10 new items that lasts 2-3 years, or 2 new items that lasts abt 8/10+ years..

call me vain, but i want to the 'socialite aka Gossip Girls' look, at least for once on my life! the only problem now is one item is no where near getting that look. perhaps by 38 years old i could afford to 'complete the look'... (unless i marry a millionaire..)


yes, a random nonsensical thought. stop dreaming and go study!!!!

One Thursday down, 36 more to go

thursday, the 'favourite' day of the year.

ms grill and mr sarcastic.

just within minutes of entering the clinic, i could already hear the fury. Groupmate 1 was innocently studying the Oxford Handbook of Clinical Dentistry (since exams are near and her patient was not there) when..

"That is a Lousy book with Lots of mistakes ! etc etc.. IF i SEE that book again I will THROW it away!!!"

the bible for us dental students (i am sure there's a handbook for medicine as well) which summarizes dentistry in general. never bring it to clinics if you still want yours.

Groupmate 2 saw the unfortunate incident, so she learnt from that and brought up another book to study.. Master Dentistry (there's 2 volumes) so it's pretty good, as a textbook.

nope. she did not escape, this time both ms grill and mr sarcastic appeared in front of her, found the chapter/module (prosthodontics) which was like 20-30 pages thick.. and said

"I took FOUR years to study THIS amount.. that shows How Much this book is Lacking!! "

mr sarcastic recommended a 1" book instead whereas ms grill recommended a 1.5" book and told my poor friend to read From Cover to Cover as a textbook.

(we have 1 month to exams, reading 1.5" for like only 5 questions in one of the 3 papers in exams.. thats abit too much dont u think? besides, we are not looking to specialize..)

ouch.. i feel so sorry for both of them trying to study. Lesson of the day, don't study in front of them unless u have a 1-2" thick book just on One module!! if you have nothing better to do, then do nothing.

and the day hasnt even started for me!

i kept telling my groupmates, since my half of the group got mr sarcastic whereas they got mr nice on Monday, its only fair we stick to mr sarcastic and they get ms grill on Thursday, if not we would be on a losing end on Both Days!

fair enough. i got mr sarcastic again. i survived him on monday. i can cope with that.

there was a malfunction that morning, and i have only 10 minutes to treat my 9.00 am patient who needed to leave by 10.30am. very very rushed, so i just Jumped right into it. besides, mr sarcastic was busy..

lo and Behold, who saw me and walked right into my clinical area?

"You SHOULD stand HERE! Put ur hands Here! WHy ...? DO this this.. That that.. Shouldnt etc etc..."

why... whyyy intrude into our half of the group??

i showed mr sarcastic my 'lousy' work after the patient left. he was about to criticize with 101 questions when ms grill came along.

"You Should Take Control of the situation and the patient, Stand Here etc... do this That this That... Get the patient to do this that this that.. SEE, you didn't get the tongue out of the way etc etc!.."

"Well, his tongue Is pretty big.." mr sarcastic chipped in.

Did i hear it right? did mr sarcastic try to help me by giving an excuse??? it might sound sarcastic, but still??!!

"You Shouldnt etc etc!! I saw how you Stand... Is that Right???.. Never do that .."

"You should stand here, and do it like that," was the only other thing mr sarcastic said, only to be interrupted by ms grill again..

after all the grilling, both the tutors stared at me.

what do u expect me to say???

"ok.. i'll try harder next time.." was all i managed and walked off.. and i could stillllll hear from behind me, mrs grill telling mr sarcastic "I SAW HER do etc..etc.."

fine fine.. i admit, it seemed that i was trying to get away with the HeinOus Crime of not standing at the right spot while mr sarcastic was busy, and ms grill caught me red handed (or red-footed?).. but still, i feel like saying to her 'Calm Down!'

that 10 minutes felt sort of familliar, as if a mum was screaming at me because she caught me red-handed and went on and on and on and on about it.. and a dad, who was also strict, just tells me how to do it right and not to do it next time.

funny how just days ago i was so afraid of mr sarcastic, but now, ms grill is even scarier. isn't that always the case? when a scarier tutor comes along, the previously scary tutor seems like the nicer one who tries to help. even that happened with mr tutor from southend (haih... southend seemed like so long ago now)

what did i learn today?
+don't study 'general dentistry' books
+don't get complicated patients on thursdays
+never sweet-talk/question/talk back/disagree with the tutors (i got this from other colleagues who threw themselves into boiling water) Groupmate 3 tried to 'suck up' to ms grill but got a dirty look in return that seemed like she was saying 'what r u up to trying to sweet talk me?'
+no matter how rushed u r, dont try short cuts thinking noone is looking. Someone IS.
+dont talk about the tutors while still on clinics. yinhui and i were talking about how scaryyyy the tutors were when mr sarcastic came and stood behind her right after she imitated him!!! i saw him and i quickly kicked her and said something stupid to mr sarcastic to interrupt yinhui and distract him.. i think it worked *phew*

now all i can say is.. i can't believe there's a Thursday Every Week!!! how can i survive another 9 Months x 4 = 36 Thursdays??? *grumblessss*

i come to the point that No, u dont have to compliment or praise me, or even acknowledge my existence. just dont eat me alive, i still want to live to see Friday.

meanwhile, should i use my Oxford Clinical Dentistry book to wedge the door open or something?

How To Cheat on any Exams

i think i need quite a lot of 3Ls coke bottles for my exams.. and i dont even drink coke!

(dont ask me while i was watching this while i should be studying for exams.. =P)

one month left

i am starting to feel it now, the stress and the pressure building up because of my finals coming up in a month's time. i am suppose to know EVERYTHING about dentistry now, from what i learnt since day1 up till today.

"there is ALOT to study," was the constant wail i hear from my coursemates, but i didn't realize that ALOT can really mean.. ALOT... i don't even think i know the full magnitude of it yet.

one month crash-course to be a dentist. its do or die.

(blogger's warning: more dentistry-&-exam-stress-related posts coming up, yes there is nothing else to talk about now..)

empty CV

several interesting topics came up while having dinner with my flatmates... one of it was:

if i were to write a cv.. what can i add in it?

isn't there anything i did that i can be proud of in my last 4+years in london? i dare say i have learnt alot and become a better person, but what have i achieved that can be written in a cv? i didnt represent my uni in some international competition or win some award that is widely recognized.

Curriculum Vitae
Name: Helen
Achievements: A finalist in dental school.

that is quite an achievement in itself i suppose.

to Graduate from dental school, now that is something i could be proud of, hopefully!

F

it just takes one letter: F, meaning forget everything else, fun no more, find time & motivation to study, file up my notes, focus on exams, fulfill the requirements.. or fail.

Famous Failures
"if you never fail, you never lived"

3 Way-Conferencing

discovered a website called www.mebeam.com where you can have 3 ppl on the webcam conferencing, talking or typing! how cool is that? don't have to download anything or register, just create a chatroom and send your friends the link to that chatroom and start talking with not 1 but 2 of ur pals!

had fun webcamming & chatting with my bffs tonight! :)

Tutors (& Patients): They decide if your Final year is a Sunny or Stormy one...

Day 1

i learnt that our group of 14 were divided and conquered by 2 male tutors from 2 ends of the world: the usual good ol' relaxing tutor from 4th year and a strict, sarcastic & always-questioning-you-with-sharp-eyes younger tutor.

50:50 chance.

come on, helen, since when are you ever lucky in these things?

Day 1

"So what is the .... why do you use .... how does it work? ... you have to organize your work better... where is the ?!?! .. did you break it?? ... did you ask the patient about.. did the patient say this or that... you shouldn't... you're not allowed to.. you are already a 5th year, don't you know .. etc etc.. do i still need to check for you?.. did you check? .. this is bad, do it again!.. could the answer be.. (with a sarcastic tone).. "

how did i get thatttttttt many questions in 2 hours??

it's kinda like a revised version of scary, strict & follow-the-books mr tutor from southend with the newly-added features of sarcasm, questioning & talkativeness, minus the nice side. i wonder if i'll ever live to see the day this tutor smile without sarcasm.

and on thursdays and fridays, we have not one but Two scarily fierce lady tutors whose barks and bites are equally horrible (you'll see them shouting at you from the other end of the clinics! i've been there before, its like being scolded by a primary school teacher for not doing your homework) that i much rather have the sarcastic male tutor on monday anytime. at least if i do something wrong, only i know and not half the clinic. yes it is thatttttt bad.

we have to worry about requirements, about final patients, about reports & presentations, about examinations.. now i have to worry on not getting burnt by scary tutors everyday!!

Mission of the year: Do Not make a Scene, Do Not get on the Wrong side of these tutors, Know your stuff, Just do your work right and Try to disappear from their lives without being significant enough for them to notice you to scold you.

Yes, i see other students trying to suck up to their tutors, chatting up with them, pleasing them and talking to them hoping to get some form of immunity, advantage or priority. i don't really know how to kiss tutors' asses (perhaps due to lack of knowledge, confidence and language & culture barrier) but i wont bother trying. that's not how i want to play the game. i rather just not get on the wrong side of tutors. they don't have to love me, as long as they don't hate me.

perhaps one advantage of scary & strict tutors is that they aren't as easy to suck up to, which makes its a littleeeeeeee bit more fair for people like myself.

i remember the students from other groups laughing pitifully at ours because of our 'nice' combination of tutors while their tutors are more relaxed and arent as strict.

What i don't understand is even the lab technician who used to be friendly, is getting moody and is snapping at me for little mistakes when he used to just correct my mistakes with a kind word of advice. Are there no more friendly faces in the dental school in London anymore? everyone seems more cruel, and colleagues are more ruthless as they are being competitive and selfish. its like Final Year: You Make it, or You Don't. oh boy, i want to return to Southend!!!

"You are in final year, months away from Graduating. You should already know."

not the best time to feel stupid.

its only 2 hours of Day 1. many, many more long days to come.

it gets mentally & emotionally tiring to live a life so dangerously when you never know what is going to burn you next. or who.

sunday night

sunday night, and the worries of studies started creeping in. of having no final case presentation patients. of not meeting the requirements before finals next month. of feeling demotivated to start studying for next month's final exams. of still being fat.

tomorrow is the first day i'll step into my dental institute in london as a dental finalist. as much as i can have skill, knowledge or experience, surviving dental school is mostly about luck.

i hope my final year would be a really, really lucky one.
here goes nothing.

Emotional Roller-Coaster 8: The Last Day

it was a very depressing day for me. some people might be looking forward to leave Southend, some might be numb towards everything, but i was really upset to leave this place.

once again in the capital of England, i was looking back at the dental clinic, at my pictures in Southend..

+i remember my room where i spend my sleepless nights blogging, being upset one day, being scared the next day, being angry another day, being happy the following day
+i remember the kitchen where i spent every night with my housemates, cooking and having breakfasts and dinners together, sharing our stories and problems, gossiping about everything under the sun until it was time for bed
+i remember the double doors of the dental clinic which i walked through every morning, thinking its a new day everyday, and walking out feeling the total opposite
+i remember the waiting room and receptionist where i greet my patients everyday and bid them farewell after treatment
+i remember the small courtroom where i was falsed accused in, where i burst in and walked out in tears and disbelief
+i remember the locker room where i was rummaging my bag for my mobile and my tissue when i didnt know where else to go considering i was in such a mess
+i remember the coffee room where i was resting in, trying to stop the tears, where i received hugs and comfort from my nurses, receptionist and tutor
+i remember the bigger courtroom where i redeemed myself in, where i received the apology and walked out with a smile from the judge's table
+i remember the clinical chairs i try to work with a smile when i was broken inside, but was smiling endlessly later without even trying

how can i ever forget?

5 week just flew past. "You came a long way, especially you," the head nurse nodded to me. the other nurses were saying that i should have a printed T-shirt saying 'I Survived Southend Dental Clinic'. i did promise my nurses in the beginning of all these troubles that i will survive Southend, and i did.

I am glad i had proper closure yesterday, and although it was a tough learning experience, the invaluable lesson was perhaps worth it in the end. my emotional roller-coaster in Southend can be laid to rest now with a happy ending. although i feel sad for leaving, i have alot of mixed memories to treasure from it.

Goodbye now, Southend! Miss Trouble will be out of your lives for good!

back to London. i felt like i have returned a different person, hopefully stronger, wiser.. and a survivor..

Emotional Roller-Coaster 7: Judgement Day.. Justice Prevailed

it's not that i don't believe in karma, its just that i seldom see 'what goes around comes around'.. until today. i literally saw karma today, bluntly in the face.

today is the last day with mr tutor and it was also the feedback session with the judge. the day started well, with the fateful patient-involved-in-last-week's-case coming in for the final steps of treatment. i had given him a full gold crown which i made previously, and mr tutor was complimenting that i did it really well. even the patient was really happy with it.

*all smiles :) *

my 2nd patient cancelled today, so i was bobbing around the place when my nurse rushed over because my colleague called me over urgently. i rushed over a little panicky cause i thought she was in trouble.

little did i know she was up to mischief! she wanted me to witness the most beautiful scene ever.. happening right behind us..

mr tutor and the snitcher were having a heated argument!!!!!!!!

oh-my-gosh.
the raised voices, the angry tone.. what a sight!!!

we were giggling and trying hard to eavesdrop their conversion with the raised voices and all... apparently mr tutor caught the snitcher for the very same crime that the snitcher has accused me of commiting!!!!!!!! what a hypocrite, he was committing it himself!!!!! words like 'unprofessional' came up, and even mr tutor said the snitcher was 'sly for duping him..'

i admit, i wasn't just tasting victory, i was basking it in..

**all smiles :) :) **

Go Go Go, mr tutor!!

the argument got soooo heated that they both left the clinics and resumed in the courtroom, the very same courtroom that i was accused in and burst out in tears. we walked past and peeped in and we could see the snitcher defending himself furiously while raising his hands, but mr tutor stood firm and tall (as always) the whole scenario lasted more than 30 minutes that other tutors needed to cover for mr tutor for the time being.

we all agreed, no matter what, none of us dared face mr tutor in that manner! talking against mr tutor that way? are you nuts??

of course the nurses and some of us started gossiping, the scene was so heated and juicy at the same time.. missy nurse even told me "what goes around, comes around! see!!" and even the head nurse and other nurses agreed! "karma.. karma.. he's waiting to get it.."

i just couldnt believe that karma happened Almost Immediately!!

and the twist of fate happened on my side. the receptionist came in to find me because the fateful patient-involved-in-last-week's-case left me a present, a box of Thorton's chocolates!!

***all smiles :) :) :) ***

i was beaming brighter than the sun now, and so were all my colleagues & nurses.

"to helen, thanks for all your good luck, kindness. good luck for the future
from your "favourite patient"

yes, i admit i called him that. not only because of all that happened around, but because the patient pulled-some-strings previously as well so that i could get my work done, which was to give him his gold crown. it was like we were both doing favours for each other, but the snitcher has to come in and interrupt our harmonious relationship to save his own ass.

in a way, if this patient has never existed, i would never see true colours of the snitcher, my other groupmates, missy nurse and all the other nurses, and even mr tutor himself.

after my last patient, missy nurse was telling mr tutor about my present from the fateful patient to which he shared my joy as well. and since it was the last day, he gave me a little feedback.

"You've done well, i saw how you work and you are good with your hands, using them correctly. You'll do well in the future.."

"thank you," was all i could say, when secretly i was thinking 'thank you for the revenge as well!'

****all smiles :) :) :) :) ****

it really felt like the happiest day ever. everyone could see i was smiling so brightly during lunch while the snitcher was complaining to eveyone else about mr tutor. but i already knew how he really is, how his face can be so convincing but his words were deceiving. i was burnt by them last week. and i knew how mr tutor really is, someone who is very fair and he would not purposely pick on students if they have not done anything wrong.

the day was coming to the end. i was the last person to have the feedback session with the tutors. it was meant to be conducted by a lady tutor, but when i walked in, the judge saw me and said "let me do this one."

yes, i agree as well. 8 days after the fateful incident, i have alot of things to say.

we were talking about 'safe topics' until we talked about the 'sensitive issue' that i was accused of committing.

"well everyone has been etc..etc.. so now i am asking you, do you plead guilty or innocent?" he looked at me in the eyes.

"i plead innocent."

the judge looked at the lady tutor, and she smiled and said to him, "She's innocent," to which he looked back at me, nodded and smiled.

the discussion went on talking about groupmates and teamwork, which was when i mentioned that i was disappointed with how 'some people' are just not what they seem, and it 'isnt very nice to find out about that'.

then the judge said it.

"Regarding the case, i want to apologize to you. It was very harsh, and it was a very rushed decision, but i had 30 seconds to look through the patients notes and i had the misconception that you have committed negligence towards a patient who's in pain. I have seen the bigger picture now and i understand what's happening, and for that i apologize. i veryyyy rarely apologize, so you better cherish it."

my jaw dropped, but i managed a "i'll cherish it," with a tiny smile.

***** all smiles :) :) :) :) :) *****

the dicussion became more friendly as i told them about the present that the patient has given, to which the judge questioned "Why did he give you? Why You? that's because you have attended to his needs, you showed you care etc.." to which i jokingly replied, " i just wanted to be sure, i dont want to get into trouble again," and both the judge and the lady tutor cracked up.

i left the courtroom with a heavy burden lifted from my chest. justice have truly prevailed. last week i couldnt believe how things have gotten from bad to worse to terribly horrible, and today things have gotten from good to better to the best ever. i had in mind alot of things to complain, alot of things to say.. but when the judge told me all that, everything i wanted to say just evaporated from my mind, and peace has returned to my internal self again.

all my colleagues and nurses shared my joy today, calling me miss popular/trouble etc.. its like a happy ending to a short but dramatic episode of my life here, and its an experience i would never, ever forget.

special thanks to all my friends, the nurses, receptionists, tutors and mr tutor who supported me and believed in me throught this dramatic episode.. and even thank you to the judge as well.

the star players: missy nurse, mr tutor and my colleagues.
and that is my clinical chair, Lucky no. 13!!!

after all that, i treated myself to a chocolate ice cream at Thorntons.

karma really exists, what goes around really comes around, and if you are innocent, people can see it. i am very happy today, very happy indeed. 8 days after that fateful life-changing incident, i can smile now :) thank you God again for this learning experience.

what a week!