Deja vu Clubbing night

There were not many of us who went to LSE's clubbing night, Deja vu.. mostly my seniors in uni and eric's friends.. from penang and from Abacus QM.. i get to meet my friend xin yi and her gang of Imperial frens as well.. so yea, managed to meet a few new ppl last night..

the ticket in.. looks so classy like some credit card.. Member since 29/01 (date that night) till 30/01.. hmmm

my seniors posing before they start dancing n shaking asses.. sally tien n david..

I didnt bring my camera that night so i just cam-whored in my own room.. (sad hor?) mostly becoz i nvr really dressed up b4.. and also coz my mini black dress, black belt, earrings, necklace, bracelet and mini black bag.. are all BORROWED.. thx yin hui, eliza and ash for providing their wardrobes and accessories..

help to model ppl's things only.. i wud hav to go shopping soon..

me me me .. looks so funny like abit pucat.. luckily this dress doesnt show ALL my fat..

oh dear.. baru last post i talk abt my name, now i put so muc of my pics.. getting to bored oredi..

the bottom right pic is me in tien's room having pre-drinks with Nick (in pic) tien david and eric.. too expensiv to get drunk there..

about the clubbing event itself? kinda small.. but there's more ppl i know which is muc bttr.. esp you xinyi!! thx goodness u r there.. haha honestly i find it scary dancing wit ppl u nvr met.. esp when its a 1-to-1 dance.. mayb i just aint into clubbing..

oh well.. syok syok wear ppl's clothes, look so nice and go dance dance dance and guys buy u drinks (had 2 glasses of Sex on the beach!) Next day need to return them and resume lectures and clinics lik cinderella.. (eh need to wash the clothes somemore.. even cinderella's baju just disappear no need to wash..)

back to real life.. *yawn*

Searching for Helen Ngu

i logged into Friendster today after so many many weeks of not touching it..

There's several New Friends request.. nothing new..

but 1 of them is.. Helen.. Helen Ngu..

the other Helen Ngu from Sibu (where my dad is from, and there r tons of Ngus there i guess)

Nothing surprising.. i always known that there's another Helen Ngu.. a gynae at the Woman Hospital in Kuching.. i remember going to the dentist and he gave me the wrong patient records coz mixed up with Dr. Helen Ngu.. so what.. soon there will be TWO Dr. Helen Ngus.

soon i will take over and change the 'Women Hospital' to Dental Surgery.. somemore the location of this place is good.. 5 mins drive from my house.. can jalan kaki also ..

Out of pure boredom.. i Googled my name..

DARN..

1st place belonged to a Helen Ngu from Canada found under WAYN.com profiles..

2nd place - an old old website a fren made for me..

3rd place - H.E.L.E.N blogspot!!! woohooo

4th - Qmmsoc.co.uk

5th - primula.multiply.com ..my Previous blogsite

6th + 7th - Dr. Helen Ngu

8th - My Friendster profile.. not other helens..

9th - another blogspot that has my site on it..

10th - Dr. Helen Ngu again..


Ok.. so i don get the 1st spot.. but then 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 8th, 9th are all me me me.. since i took 6/10 of the Google searches, am i officially the Most Famous / Most Googled Helen Ngu around!!

Haha.. sorry ar.. i too free already.. berblog bodoh..

Frustrated

9.15am appointment with the GP on a Monday morn. Not a nice way to start the week, esp when the uni so nicely giv u the Mon morn off already.

i think i must have pressed Snooze at least 5 times since 8am.. anyway what has to be done has to be done.. so since i m late, had to spend 90pence on a bus ride for just 4-5 bus stops/20mins walk..

i was ready for my urea breath test. Lets get it done with.

"Did you have your breakfast?" the lady asked.

"Er.. yes.."

"You are suppose to fast for this test. You cant eat 6 hours before the test."

WHAT?!?!?!

"I wasn't told to fast.. " Chis.. babi sama previous Gp.. And this lady looked at me as if its My Fault i ate.. 1st time someone marah me for eating.. no, actually 2nd time, after PP, when i curi2 snack..

"We'll have to arrange another appointment for you.. Tomorrow at 9am? Dont eat anything.. "

"urgh.. ya.. ok.."

NOT OK!!! Means i have to Wake Up even EARLIER on Tues morn.. and the Uni so Nice Postponed my Tues morn 930-1230pm lab to Thurs so that we have Tues morn off.. did they actually predict this already???

What can be worse than waking up for a 9.15am appointment on a Mon.. is that the appointment resulted in NOTHING and have to wake up AGAIN for a 9.00am appointment on a Tues..

I know if other angmo patients etc.. OR my Dad.. sure complain n scold %@#$$# already.. Working ppl have to take leaves from work or reschedule meetings..

Doctors think we have nothing better to do is it..

Better dont complain so much.. later become dentist sure have to schedule many appointments also even if need not be, like my case.. just cause its due to dentist's errors..

At least i know how it feels like..

*frustrated*

quiet sunday morning

Lovely Sunday morning (Why? should do u wanna ask my weighing scale?) Actually its cause E is preparing lunch for Y, M and i .. and thx for preparing such a healthy 1 as well.. keke..

low fat chicken tikka masala wraps for lunch..

Like after every eat-together, there's a digesting period when every1 just crap crap crap.. so when it was my turn i told every1 i got a new stepper from Argos for 23pds.. so now no excuse gym closed/cold/gym-packed&noTV.. can exercise in room.. i hope it doesnt become a collect-dust-useless-bulky-thing like 99% of home gym equipments..

heavy stuff.. 8.1kgs.. resistant also.. not easy to step

anyway i was explaining how it works.. Y was listening so tentatively while M was being Mischievous M and played with my camera..

Y looks bored.. haha adoi it wud look nicer if u view it on a camera with the 'Next' bottom coz can c animation.. nice 1, M.

weekend ends, weekdays beginning.. But soon it would be Feb.. which means CNY.. cook togethers.. Cny potluck.. Msoc dinner.. Singsoc Lunch.. MsD makan.. here makan there makan.. with theaters n farewell parties n meeting up with more frens to eat eat eat.. Valentines??? Hmmm..

wah.. looks lik 3kgs waiting to be gained..

What determines your day?

the sun shine covers ur peaceful face.. (maybe darkness for the nocturnal) .. time to wake up!!

so what would decide.. if u have gotten on the wrong side of the bed ? the weather? waking up early or late? feeling good or having headaches/hangover/aches/still tired etc? or maybe having tons of plans.. or no plans at all? assignments to settle?

for me.. it is.. the.. evil.. WEIGHING SCALE..

bought this from ebay (where else?) for 20pds.. can measure weight, bmi, body fat%, body water%, muscle mass, bone mass and recommended calories a day..

seems fun right? well at 1st.. but it has changed the way i live now.. wake up 1st thing is to stand on it..then after toilet.. or breakfast.. or b4 lunch then after lunch.. after eating 1 apple.. maybe another apple.. or drinking water.. having full dinner.. wait til digest at 11pm at night after toilet..

i m totally hooked to it that i can monitor my weight every 2 hours and know how breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks would affect my weight ( it fluctuates like up to 1.5 kgs in a day!! believe it..) or how much my clothes weight too! (best way to cheat is always to Strip!)

the digits shown on this screen.. will determine if my day Rains or Shines..

Once.. (actually many times) the number shown.. was a total NoNo .. what happens?

i start getting grumpy and moody.. Why i eat less and exercise more but still so fat.. Whats the point??? i always bark at E and complain at P as if its not my fault.. I would come up with excuses like 'Not enuf food.. tired.. don wana go gym la.. no point also..' or 'i want to eatttttttttt...y kenot eat sushi n dimsum n ice cream..'

Then i reach out for comfort food lik chocs n biscuits.. and eat eat then feel even More guilty.. like a vicious cycle.. Somemore no mood to go gym.. rather sit in the room watch series or online all day and dont care abt every1 else.. Blog also will diabaikan (which is y recently i don blog everyday.. already so moody.. ) seems that I Shall be forever fat..

If i m Lucky .. (like This Morning) .. the numbers shown will look better.. at least abit lower (although mayb by 0.3g) ..

Wah it is a Good Day!

Online chat2 happy wit ppl.. main sms wit ppl also syok.. no plans for the day also ok.. try to make the plans instead of waiting for ppl to ask me for plans..

Go gym more semangat dy..

Clean the my kitchen cupboards, sort out all my cutleries etc and do all the dishes..

Do my ironing.. lab coat make sure nice nice.. next week clinic starts..

Wear face mask to de-stress.. biore pore pack to de-pores..

Go shower also pakai best best new bath stuff from Body Shop..

Day getting dark? doest end there.. although alone, i go buy some stuff and then ber-Sainsbury to stock up fruits n veges and as usual.. Flowers to brighten up my room..

Suddenly completed my To-Do list with no hassel.. like Snow White singing with the birds and squirrels when cleaning the house..

So ya.. the numbers on that scale will decide if i am going to smile or not today.. m i crazy or what?

tralalalala~ ~ (while i m still in a good mood, coz tomoro it might b a rainy day..)

JPA allowance UK paid... Terima Kasih..

all i want to say is THANK YOU to JPA (Jabatan Perkhidmatan Awam / Public Service Department) of Malaysia..

U have truly tested the JPA students of UK..

..teaching us how to speculate when we were told that we would receive an increase of 97% ..

..teaching us how to rejoice when we were confirmed of the Great News which is the increase in allowance (esp for Londoners..) ..

..teaching us how to worry about our Accommodation since we have to pay them ourselves, how to pay, how often, how to meet the deadline.. how how..

..teaching us how to stretchhhh every single pound we have.. when we have no money at all, Jpa promised us money by end of nov.. then mid dec.. then end of dec.. then jan.. causing us to be broke.. then super broke.. then in debt.. then in heavy debt..

..teaching us where to korek money.. who to borrow from.. how to deal with alongs/taikos.. what can spend one wad kenot.. how to work hard for money..

..and finally.. teaching us gratitude and relief when the money comes as promised long time ago..

No wonder we were all specially selected 'Top' students of Malaysia.. interviewed one by one.. coz Not just Anyone can endure being super duper triple quadruple broke for so so many months (since.. sept? or oct 07?) in the land of British Pounds.. UK (where everyth is so expensive esp in London!!) and still able to continue our daily lives to study/travel/eat/be happy and live to tell the story..

any other kantoi students surely open night market business.. sell dvds in front of Whitechapel market.. bcome pros/gig for side income.. or power ebay-seller.. maybe jual organ.. (no offence to non-jparians)

Thanks again for such thrilling moments of ups & downs since last year, bonding all the JPA students closer to manage the financial storm together..

Janganlah Postpone Allowance.. finally Just Paid Allowance..


PS: I recently read that a JPA student in US has received an allowance reduction.. really sorry to the students of US.. UK JPA students were having rocky times as well but not as bad, thx goodness...

News at the Star: Allowance Cut for JPA scholars

Friends with Benefits

a friend told me this the term Friends with Benefits (FWB).. i know these things exist but i didnt know that was what it was called..

No.. no.. i didnt mean it as Friends that u benefit from by borrowing notes or money or influence..

Urban Dictionary defines it as..

it's when you don't want a serious relationship but you want him / her as your toy to fuck around with.It also can be when she / him are already in a relationship but you like that person so he/she agrees to be your friend with benefit.

Wikipedia talked of it under Casual Relationship..

Casual relationship is a term used to describe the physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have a sexual relationship or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting a more formal relationship as a goal. It is more than just casual sex and different from a one-night stand.

Related terms are "pals with privileges", "cut friends", an "extended hookup", a "fling", "friends with benefits", "friends with privileges", "sex buddies", "fuck buddies", and a "sexualized friendship". There are significant gender and cultural differences in acceptance of and breadth of casual relationships, as well as in regrets about action/inaction in those relationships.

Yahoo! Answers where ppl wrote the answers just say "friends who have sex.. Just friends.."

Research says 10% evolved into a traditional relationship, about 33% stopped the sex but continued as friends, 25% ended both the sex and the friendship, and 32% continued as FWB...

The study concluded "that people got into these relationships because they didn’t want commitment. It was perceived as a safe relationship, at least at first. But also that there was this growing fear that the one person would become more attracted than the other."


OK OK .. enough copy pasting.. my post looks like the Intro of an assignment that i have to Quote at the end of the day..

Having sex with 'just friends'.. now Thats scary.. lets tone down the scenario abit..

How about just 'having sth towards that person', or always finding that person .. thinking of that person.. maybe just go out, the both of u, for Friends sake.. & hug.. hold hands.. lock lips..????

If u r thinking ANY random girl/guy friend.. then Stop it.. That's just plain disguisting..

It's when relationship isnt an option.. not ready.. morally wrong.. ethically wrong.. against the code of conduct.. whatever excuses.. so lets Just be Friends.. Right???

...it can be some1 u always had a crush on b4 u get to know him bttr.. only to learn that u Can'T.. or Shouldn'T.. he wouldnt want to.. confess and Lose him coz u kno u shudnt..

...Or that person has always been hiding his feelings for u.. waiting for the right time.. when all these while u thought he has been SUch A great & Understanding Friend.. if u reject him now.. wouldnt u Not only lose him as a Bf.. but as such a close friend?? sticky..

...Maybe.. it was really Just friends.. but so compatible.. Too compatible.. having the same opinion on how love works etc.. sth jux grew when u realised some1 so compatible was there all these while..

...Or an ex that has not totally moved on.. so used to being together.. but.. now Just Friends? how can u totally omit the feelings.. and familiarity..

...Perhaps its u who hasnt moved on from ur ex..

...Maybe a friend who is Always.. always there for u in everything u do and really understands u well.. might started with sympathy can caring, just wanting to help u.. but then..

...Worse case scenario.. is when He nvr wanted anyth to start with.. (this is where i emphasis FWB) .. Lets just have all the Fun a couple have MINUS the commitment.. leaving the girl hoping.. waiting.. and more hoping.. that he would ask her to b his gf..

I was told there's a website teaching guys how to get FWB.. 1stly make it clear u don want a relationship.. even teaches u excuses on how to avoid the girl.. eg just say "Busy with work" .. not only won't she dont disturb u.. she Blames herself on Not understanding..

But it seems that some of these websites meant 'well' in some way.. FWB is suppose to be a mutual thing when Both sides understand that there is all to it..

But How.. is it possible.. to share so much / spend so much time/ do so many things with someone knowing beforehand there isnt going to be anything?


I believe it is easier for guys to do this.. they seem more.. 'cold' in some sense.. they can love u so much 1 minit and treat u like any other girl the next...

But girls fall deeper.. dont they?? and if any Guys would wana find a FWB.. these helpless innocent fairy-tale-minded naive girls.. are just waiting to be hurt..

Sometimes.. having a friend so close.. is just so comforting.. u must admit 'like' is what started it.. but sooner or later u realised that no matter how deep u fall.. how many times u cook for him, shower him with presents, find him when u r bored, thinking of him during the day, dream of him at night.. he is still.. Just a friend..

and the girl.. so willing to be hurt coz during that 1 hour of the day he can be nice and the other 23 hrs.. so cold..

decent guys friends might tell u 'Move on'.. if u both have a mutual understanding, u can be close secretly and then Normal friends the next day.. BuT manipulative guys.. will suck u dry and just giv u so muc false hope with sweet talk (coz they LOVE the attention and pampering they r receiving) .. and leav u crying alone in the end..

Ask 10 friends what u shud do.. 9 would say 'Wake up man, move on!!'.. 1 care-free fellow wud say ' Well, whatever makes u happy..'

I would totally agree with that 9 friends that moving on is the right thing to do.. but Knowing how feelings work.. it isnt easy.. moving on can just make u so grumpy and painful and upset and lonely.. coz u lost that friend..

therefore i hav to agree with the loner.. Whatever makes u happy.. BUT be fully aware that u wud b hurt in the end coz there's no point wasting precious time (peak season, remember?) hoping.. One of these days u wud jux Wake up n Realise.. that perhaps.. all this just isnt worth it..

then maybe once u moved on u can look back at look at that person as a Real friend.. thats when i m going to question.. Platonic Love?? but that wud b another day..

as for guys.. please dont trick girls to be ur friends with benefit.. even without the sex.. coz just toying with their feelings and leading them on really.. really.. isnt a nice thing to do..

Wicked 23

There's nothing wicked about 23.. although the number 23 is evil but this post is just the combination of Wicked the theater and a 23rd-year-old bday girl!!

QM Malaysian Society organised their 1st event this term with Wicked theater on 22 Jan ( i shall copy paste this and re-publish in the qmmsoc website soon) .. it was sth to look forward to after being so broke & antisocial since there's no Big-gatherings recently for movie or bowling or sth..

me me me... in front of theater.. with dragon hinggap on my head.. with kasya n thurston..

well i wasnt alone... there were many others as well.. macam ini baru fun mah...

during the interval.. all ready for the 2nd half..

Next day 23 Jan E was turning 23.. A was so hardworking to bake 23 mini cakes/muffins for her.. somemore bake 23 cute doggy cookies as deco..

1st the 23 laici muffins covered with mascarphone cheese.. and then the 23 puppies (or 23 Rats or 23 koalas or 23 bunnies or 23 babis.. every1 sees it differently) cookies go on top..

23 cakes forming 23.. i didnt bake but at least help deco.. Then help eat..

the 23 puppies waiting patiently in a line..

'SUrprise'!! hehe 23-yr-old E had a hard.. hard.. time blowing out the 2-3 candles coz they were RE-lighting candles.. she had to blow them like 23 times..

that afternoon it was Yo! Sushi time.. hehe went there at 2.30pm and lepak there pretty long like 2.3 hrs .. 2.3 x 2.3 pounds poorer.. (230 x 2.3) + 230 calories fatter.. 2.3 x happier.. and some1 just got older.. Happy 23rd Birthday on 23 Jan!~ (pening keep type 23..)

My Weight Confession

Food makes a big part of my life. It can really make me happy.. or destroy me..

Everywhere.. everytime.. I am offered cakes n muffins.. or asked out for dimsum sushi briyani and buffets.. go out sien sure wana pop by Starbucks for a hot choc or pastry shop for those irresistable sweets.. Christmas, New years, CnY, birthdays, so many chances to pig out.. at night masak2 also cook or eat with ppl ka..

If i dont touch that piece of cake i am offered.. ppl ask 'Why?'

Then comes the oldest and most-abused excuse in the world of helen : d.i.e.t

What is worse than resisting all the good food, is to face the reaction of ppl, the changes in face expression and the tone of voice, when they hear that.. then the arguments/advices/pathetic remarks come in..

It comes to the stage that ppl start making fun of dieting helen.. When is it ever going to end? Did U actually lose any weight at all??? SO what losing a few kgs? No difference la.. Why torture yourself? Ala no need ask her out la, she dieting anyway.. Oh there's this yummy cake recipe i tried but Wait.. u r on a diet, HeHe wont need it anyway...

I know they meant well, some of them.. and thanks so much for all the concern..

Sometimes i wish i had an excuse that is out of my control.. like i am Broke so kenot go out eat.. or allergic so kenot touch.. diabetic? now that is too much..

But no.. diet is purely my control, i choose what goes down my GI tract (gastrointestinal) ..

Other ppl have no rights over what i eat. It's my body, if i choose to starve it, its my choice.

The thing is, ppl dont know how it's like to be fat. I Dont mean the fat-coz-of-that-extra-kg fat. I mean Overweight-with-more-than-BMI-25 fat.

once-upon-a-time

But I know how it feels.

I know how it feels like waking up to go to school and dreading every moment of it..

I know how it feels like when that group of pretty and born-slim girls just watch u as u walk pass and laugh at u behind ur back..

Or saying things like "I am so slim, why not u give me your fat to put here.. and here..?" and they start pointing at all their curvy features as if i am too blind to see it for myself..

Or "Being pretty is tough.. but oh ya, u wont understand ANyWAy.."

I know how it feels like when the group of boys taunt you with painful remarks..

Or start scribbling and drawing fat pics in ur exercise books when u arent around..

'Nicer' ppl just tell u straight in the face "Go lose weight..should look better.."

Better.. no where near pretty.. far from prefection..

And in addition to all that, me sitting in the back at the corner, wearing long, long plaited hair, metal braces, pimpled face and being so quiet, i am the ideal fat weirdo u can steal pencil box from, throw my books around, hit me on my head, making my stationary disappearing or broken every week or just pull my chair behind me when i am about to sit..

Yes. I've been there.

My English teacher told me "Don't worry, there r guys who love fat girls too." I didnt know what she meant back then.

My School teacher who is so so Overweight herself.. told me "You are cute, you should enter a pageant.." The rest looked back at me and started giggling among themselves.. i just want to bury myself..

My KH / ERT teacher (Kemahiran Hidup.. sort of like Living Skills.. that sewing, cooking, gardening subject we learn in sec school) taught us to sew a dress for ourselves and there was a template measurement for height waist etc that every1 followed ..

But another girl and i needed our own measurements taken thanks to our out-of-the-ordinary size.. what so weird? I had lots of my clothes tailor-made anyway.. i thought it was a normal thing..

That other girl had short hair.. and when gals laugh at us at our weight, i just muttered.. "Maybe its .. my long hair thats heavy.."

"Yea.. if it is you'll break ur neck.." and the audience laughed like its a sitcom..

Even in our health records that we write our height and weight every year for growth progress, i faked my weight.. copied the fat-girl-next-door's so at least its not too obvious..

well, i make good frens..with boys.. coz i am the one they confide in with their Crushes and Flings with those pretty girls.. i am who they talk With.. not talk About.. they know their secrets are safe with me..

Then i would look at those popular girls wishing i am like that too..

I used to hate everyone, loved ones who feed me out of good intentions or those girls n boys that tease me.. or teachers that sympathize and give me an extra smile.. its all THeir Fault..

Then One day changed it all.. i realised its no1's fault but Mine..standing on the scale was horrifiying.. but i realised there's only 1 person who can change those numbers on the scale.. ME

i Guess many ppl doesnt know this side of me.. coz most of my frens now are ppl i met in College when i am.. 17/18? or in Uni when i am already 20s?

So now what? arent u happy now? Healthy BMI wad..

Well.. if i have been really.. really fat b4.. Why not try being really..really.. thin, for once?

So instead of being shameful of my weight, i want to be proud of it..

"I am/used-to-be a size 0.." is so much nicer to say then "i was fat"
i bet there's a few more hidden kgs somewhere..

can u blame me when 85% of the ppl i am surrounded by are girls-with-bmi-lesser-than-18 and Stick-thin guys (YES u know i am talking about U)

Others choose to take the SPP (6 Pack Programme) like eric or zul or ang .. trying hard to gain weight in muscles (i wish i can TRY HARD to gain weight too, but anyway, good luck, guys.. haha)

my fault ka i wana be thin also??? peer pressure...

i want a flat tummy.. or bttr yet, 6 Pack~ (haha SPP again? let's stick to SSP 1st-Super Slimming programme.. jom jom fellow dieters, pei2 and eve.. )

But these would require hard-core work out.. and Cutting out sweets isnt enough..

I hope one day i can measure my waist/weight/body fat% and have a smile on my face.. saying 'Finally'.. but Now.. i am still not there yet..

i 've never looked into the mirror and felt satisfied.. all i see is a girl with fat arms fat legs fat bum fat tummy fat face etc..etc.. staring straight back at me..
the IDEAL body.. THIS is what i mean NOT fat.. she's healthy and well-toned with curves.. NOT skinny or aneroxic..

i hope one day i would go to the beach looking so Hot in a bikini.. Then i wud just shop for bikinis.. Haha.. i know its quite impossible.. coz surely Jes Alba has her own personal trainer who forces her to do those sit-ups and push-ups and some1 to cook healthy food for her..

Yes, i still go out for makan2 etc (from previous posts) coz i would not allow food to deprive me of a social life.. all Malaysians do is eat eat eat and if i omit that then i would be really.. really.. unhappy..

SO b4 u start thinking 'Crazy Helen, diet saje cerita.. later sure makan again bla bla bla..' well think again..

Cause fat is not a word i look so lightly upon, fat to You would just be another word in a dictionary to depict that adipose tissue under the skin..

but to me.. fat was a huge part of my life and made me who i am.. so respect my decision to diet, it is not just a excuse not to eat your cake or save my money..

it is a teenage war that has lived in me, filled with endless battles.. and i have yet to win this final one..

Updates from me

so.. what have i been up to? mostly eating.. sorry didnt update every single day as guaranteed..

Thursday.. Yo! Sushi.. there's 50% voucher valid 10days from 14th Jan (i DOnt understand y they cant say 14-23th Jan.. i think they wana scam ppl who cant count and come on 24th expecting 50% off.. but actually THey got scammed by us that day.. as we made like 3+pds off witout paying.. some of it on purpose.. some by luck..)

So ppl.. Jom Yo! Sushi (i am going again on 23rd Jan coz some1 has to turn 23 on 23.. ish the number 23!! ) ..

Saturday.. House of Coffee, Gloucester Road (although we didnt order any coffee) had yummy super thin crust pizza (28cm for 4.95pds) .. tea and hot choc.. Thx so muc for the Treat!!!

a present i got that day.. so sweet, a pink top from Vegas and a Disneyland Mickey Mouse choc bar.. thxxxxxxxxxxxx!!~ u made my day!!

'Seduced' Exhibition at Barbican.. 6pds for students.. it is very.. educational.. seeing tons n tons of pics of naked ppl .. and of ppl having sex, regardless of heteros, les or gays.. especially SM (i learnt this term only that day!!) like how a man stuff his hand up to nearly the elbow up another man's ass... another poke a finger half way up a penis?? ok..

why again is this art?

but some are interesting.. like the history of how the kama sutra came about.. and tons of manuscript illustrations from India & Turkey, Jap prints, Chinese watercolours and tons of old paintings and modern 'art' with videos as well..

at one moment it seemed that everyone in the world was drawing Sex poses and vaginas and penises.. THeres even an old painting of a lady picking up a penis with chopsticks from a bowl of penises..

(oh ya.. that black square packet on the bottom corner right.. there was a bowl near the counter full of it.. and i HOnestly tot its Mint Choc so i grabbed one.. only to notice the 'wrong texture' and the jagged corners... argh...)

anyway if that wasnt enough.. we watched Lust Caution that night.. and i didnt know that the main attraction of that movie REALLy is Lust.. and b cautious about it.. sex scenes.. sex scenes.. sex scenes.. (wow Tony leung.. like that one isit.. Grrr why the main actress so slim oneeeee)

Oh ya.. Sunday 20th Jan is Ei Leen's Birthday! Happy birthday! and yummy choc cake.. i didnt bring my camera so no pics from me..

Sunday lunch at Hare & Tortoise, Russell Square.. a fusion restaurant with Msian, Singporean, Chinese and Japanese food.. (reasonable priced food and nice surrounding, as in Russell Sq itself coz can shop etc.. will definitely be back.. ) yumdy dum.. Thx for the treat :) and the for paying my tube fare :)) and throw in an extra fiver on top of that.. :)))))

After that we're off to Chinatown...

wow... CAKES.. so pretty and yummy.. i want.. but on a diet.. arghhhh

in the end just had to settle for 2 tiny egg tarts la.. should be less than 200 cals (i hope) ..

i couldnt resist this advertisement.. DIETS ARE REALLY SAD... cause i realised that i am always upset and stressed out and moody when i am trying so hard to diet.. (coz as u all SHOULD know by now, food makes me happy) ..

i bttr say Sorry 1st in case i snap at any1 coz i m feeling bitchy now (i tell ppl its pms hehe.. so nice coz can get away with anything using that excuse.. ) and Sorry to any1 i already snapped at..

i.w.a.n.t.t.o.e.a.t

sick-for-now Helen

after lectures on Thurs i had a blood donation appointment at Whitechapel Sports Center.. when i had earlier scheduled this appointment After my GP's appointment on Wed.. i had a bad feeling.. mainly bcoz What if they inject me or giv me medications to take on Wed? That would mean i cant giv blood on Thurs..

anyway none of that happened so i went to my appointment confidently..

Unfortunately there was a couple of questions that i had difficulty answering.. not coz i cant.. jux that i dunno if i shud b honest..

'Did you take any medication (presribed or bought on your own) in the last 7 days?'

Gaviscon? is that medication??? i took it just the night b4.. for indigestion only what.. harmless right..

'Did u see a doctor or member of the healthcare services in the last 7 days?'

Aiyoooo 7 days ar.. should have went to the GP 8 days ago or go TOmorow (but GP timetable so full).. Should i lie? Wouldnt make a difference right? I had these stomach pains ever since sec school anyway.. and donated blood lik 4 times already.. no worries le.. JUST so happened i find the GP the day b4.. so how so how so how... Risk not donating ??!?! arghhhhhh...

"Eh.. yes.. i find the GP yesterday.. for some.. stomach pains.."

"What was the outcome of the appointment?"

"Owh.. just.. some tests they would do.. later.."

"I am afraid you won't be able to give blood today.."

That just crushes it all.. Once again i wonder if i should have been honest to start with..

The nurse continued with lots of explanation that made it seem lik its not my fault ..".. have to wait until the investigation which are your tests are done.. these patients receiving blood are terminally ill, we cant risk giving blood that are.. "

WHAT??? Infected??? ConTaminated with bacteria? Virus? HIV??????? am i a sick person now?!?!? arghhhhhhhh...

I was rejected Before for blood donation coz i returned to Malaysia.. a "Malaria-infected region".. may as well i holiday in Africa..

I thought we go to doctors assuming we are healthy until proven sick..like being given some heart-breaking diagnosis.. NOW i know actually they assume we ARE sick until proven healthy!!

Reminds me of Lynette in Desperate Housewives in season 4 (hope this isnt a spoiler) ... She was diagnosed with cancer and underwent chemotherapy etc etc.. and Then she do the tests to confirmed whether she is clear of cancer or not..

Wow.. life is just great.. studies Cannot focus, Fine, just go lectures at least.. then Diet also always kantoi, Nvm each day new day, start diet again.. relationships & feelings & frenships just go chaotic, Alright, just be single & try to smile... financially unstable coz if JPA doesnt bank in by this month i wil b super broke once again, Nvm JPA WILL BANK IN.. wana exercise and play badminton also lost the fun of it, Ok la will deal with tat later... but NOW i dont have PErfect Health???

"Excuse me, can u pls let me jump this long queue? No, i am not old or disabled, just MAYBE i might b sick.. but i haven do any tests to confirm it so meanwhile, just assume i am...thanx.."

Time is Money for Dentists too!!!

3.10pm: i took my bag, meds and make my way to the GP's. I had made a 3.50pm appointment, nothing serious, just silly stomach pains that comes ever so often.

3.30pm: 20 minutes walk and surveyed the area, so that i can do a little shop shop on my way back. And for future appointments, if need any. Got to the wrong place as well! (where there's tons of mummys and prams.. no wonder the security guard looked at me funnily).

3.50pm: Still waiting.

4.10pm: Ooo its my turn! And its so modern.. they annouce it on the little board with lights "Miss Helen Ngu, meet Dr. X at Room 8. "

I was already rehearsing this moment.. Intro myself.. personal details.. previous GP? then medical history.. heart problems? murmurs? lungs? TB? jaundice? hepatitis? GI? endocrine? neurology? previous operations? serious illness? allergies? hayfever, asthma, eczema, rheumatic fever? bleeding disorder? HIV? current medications? fine fine, Bring it On!!

Dr: Hi, i m Dr X. What is your problem?

Helen: Owh.. er.. i had this stomach pain for a few months now..

the ques she ask were just.. What kind of Pain? What makes it worse or better? Stools?.. etc etc..
then she brought me to lie down and she checked for lumps or bumps (ulcers) and if it hurts..

Dr: I am going to schedule another appointment for you with Dr. Y to do the urea breath test ... Helicobacter pylori infection ... ulcers... schedule Another appointment ... take this medication once a day...

4.20pm: I was outside the room. I can't believe it.. that took just 10 minutes!!! Actually i did read about GPs n consultations on the website and that it takes 10 mins.. but can't i get just 2 more minutes? I guess i am not that special after all.

4.35pm: Collected my meds from the pharmacist next door.. and i had to pay for it!!! Usually mummy pays for meds... can i claim from JPA? kaka.. well.. with the change i got from the 20pounds i brought, i went to a shop nearby..

4.50pm: Ok.. i spent everything till i cant even afford to buy water now (thx eric for buying for me) Make my way back in the dark.. huhu

5.15pm: Home sweet home

Now isnt that just nice.. Walk 20 mins, Waited 40 mins, Consultation 10 mins, Collect meds 15 mins, Shop 25 mins, Walk another 20 mins back. My trip took 2 hours for a 10min-consultation.. some1 told me, Time is money for doctors. Oh well..

Once i open a dental practice, i think i am going to fix a Meter like those Taxi drivers.. Starting price rm30.00 for the appointment itself and increases 50 sen per minit.. I am going to have leaflets distributed at my waiting room saying..

"Hello & Welcome. Just to let u know our basic fare for a dental appointment is rm30.00 and we charge at 50 sen/min, so please make a list of any medical history that I should need to know and make your dental complaint simple, brief and accurate. Do cooperate when I do extractions cause although it hurts and you keep holding back, remember, It is Your lost financially. So be brave and let me get that tooth out. Thank you."

Now THAT is what i call Time = Money. Without realising it, I reached out for a nectarine.. Oh Crap! Didnt i just tell that doctor i cant take sour fruits on an empty stomach? But i am hungry..

6.00pm: Isnt it too early for dinner? I had lunch at 1.30pm, not 12!! its just 4.5hours ago.. bttr dont risk it.. again..

6.10pm: Make dinner.

6.30pm: Wash plate.

6.45pm: Too late.. the pain started kicking in.. Now where is my Gaviscon?

what i always take..

what the doctor recommended.. Gastrin protector costing 6.85..

~Sweet dreams~

Last night i was chatting with aunty pei lian and i told her i missed the ski trip alot.. having frens everywhere (thats 13 of us!!) and no worrying of having no1 to accompany u or chat with or go dinner with..

that night.. i had a funny dream that everyone was back together again although on a different expedition.. like to climb a mountain.. but before that we were travelling around the countryside in 2 cars.. coz i remember ailing, yyy them rushing to 1 car leaving me, pei2, peilian, noreen to the 2nd car.. (must b a mixture of driving in the outskirts in Scotland in 2 cars, and the Crowd from the ski trip)

mixture of 2 outings? interesting what our brain conjures up in dreams..

it went on to something stupid.. Noreen was the driver and her section of the car got Detached.. so the rest of us sitting at the back just watched as she drove alllllll the way uphill alone (its really steep).. and just when she wana reach the peak the engine failed and we watch her go downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn and smashed into another car to cushion the crash..

of coz in dreams there's no real death or blood..just seems comical.. like some Itchy & Scratchy show.. or Happy Tree Friends..

There's one day in Lyon when menaka was writing a postcard and i said to her "Are there so many ppl to write to? I cant remember my friends addresses except Floyerians and, "... at That Milisecond i thought of my aunt and said... " my relatives couldnt even read!!"

That night i dreamt of Her.. and Her Son, my cousin and all my relatives in Sibu (my original hometown) .. Another disgusting nightmare.. *yucks*

AGAIN i always dream of really really gruesome or disgusting stuff like death and murders and tragedies...

But Wait! Wait!!! there IS this One dream i had.. 2 weekends ago when i was Suppose to go to the Hyde Park Winter Wonderland but i had an afternoon nap while waiting...

It was very fairy tale-ish.. (isit coz the last thing i thought of was the Wonderland?)

i was at home with pei2.. both of us were waiting.. then He came.. his long, long limo was made of GoLD.. and it shone and sparkled, it stopped outside our door.. and the butler opened the door for us..

i don remember the limo ride, but the nex scene changed to a big palace with a Very Pretty & Huge garden.. (yes think of Disneyland's fairy tales, u get the point) and He was there with me, holding my hand.. and pei2 had someone with her too.. *hehe*

Apparently pei2's relationship just sparked.. so they were shy and all.. taking pics of each other in the garden, but He and i were much closer and also naughty.. and we jumped into their photos and laughed about it..

Sun shining, birds singing, flowers blooming.. even the grass was so clean and green and nice to run around on..

Then he took both my hands and started swinging me around in the air.. like how a proud dad would swing his lovely daughter around..

Wow.. really felt so so happy.. and peaceful.. like there's no worries at all..

(Quick Reminder: 2 weekends ago was 5/6th Jan, during my Emotional Breakdown and in the midst of WW IV, War of the Words, not worlds..)

And then He looked in my eyes.. and my heart beat faster and faster.. and like how every fairy tale ended.. we kissed softly and passionately (i cant believe i am typing this.. so embarrassing!)

Its too bad my Fairy Tale ended there.. when i woke up (i think must b some $@#$%#$%$ phone call) i kept trying to remember His face.. i can roughly outline his stature.. taller than me but not very tall.. ordinarily built, not over or underweight.. and i remember him standing nex to pei's new love when taking pics etc.. he was shorter than pei's man.. (ps: pei ur guy sort of taller n thinner kind..)

But when i try to remember his face i saw Darkness.. as if its covered by the shadow of a nearby tree.. WHY?!?!?! wouldnt it be much easier to know NOW who my Prince is?

Seems illogical coz i always.. always.. can recognise characters in my dreams, if not why do i dream of the person at the 1st place?!?! sometimes u Know that person is That person although the height or looks dont fit well.. its Ur dream, U r the director anyway...

But no.. i dunno who this person is.. isit cause i am unsure to place a face?

Or maybe.. i have not met him?

Oh well.. a dream is a dream is a dream.. at least got 1 sweet dream out of dozens of nightmares..

Until now i can still remember the feeling.. *haih*

life is so much nicer in a fairy tale

Good Friends

Today is Monday. How can i think of anything to blog about on a Monday with 9.30-12noon & 2-4.30pm lectures, being too lazy to exercise and so bored and hungry all the time i ate dinner at 6pm?? (well actually this blog was inspired During one of the boring lectures..)

Then i remembered Sunday. Oh yea (looking back at previous post) .. not the best of days, but it was a good day all the same.

and.. Saturday. It was a bright lovely day, a rare occasion during the winter months in London. There i was, wasting my weekend, even worse, my Youth in the Huge Happening Metropolitan City lik London, sitting in front of my laptop in my room.

Z was complaining how we shud go out to hyde park for a picnic or hang out and appreciate the lovely weather.. that is, if we have the company.

That's the problem. What is harder to come by in London than a bright sunny day during the icy cold winter, is a close warm friend that shares the same interest with you.. like on how to spend the weekend.

Some have that special someone, so problems solved (with new problems created). Some just go out and find Other friends.. from other Unis.. or other courses.. and spend the weekend together. Some rather have their own time shopping.. or just grocery shopping. The rest? Just sit in the room and watch movies, series, study, dota, blog and sleep the good weather away. Who needs social life outdoors anyway, ya?

I must say, i agree with Z. Some ppl just have all the Life and Energy.. 'Hey it's a Bright Saturday!! Lets go Out to the park and set up the picnic cloth with sandwichs and crisps, kick some balls, throw some Frisbee.. then sit at a Pancakes and Donuts cafe with good ol' Hot choc/Coffee with the sun setting as the Background.. grab some popcorn for the latest movie at the Cinema, then end the night in with playing cards, take-away pizza and drinking and laughing at all the fun that happen that day..' (notice i emphasis on food at every venue)

Oh well.. that nice imagination just went *Kaput* when we realised there's nth to do and no1 to go out with.. so Z went out on his own..

Me? E asked me to go for badminton.. its really rare for me to go playing indoor sports on a Saturday.. but since i wana go on diet, i agreed to tag along. Got nothing else better to do anyway..

Unfortunately the real lazy helen crept in.. and we left after just over an hour (the session is 3 hrs) .. E was telling me in the bus how she prefer Wed badmintons to Sat badmintons..

"Why dont u like Sat badmintons?"

"I have no1 to play with.. unless M or E or S are there.. " Totally get what she meant.. hate it when all the other players are Guys who are just wayyyy out of your league.. and when they sympathize and let u play mix doubles with them, you just freeze out coz u kno u cant get that 0.1 msec shot right at the other corner of the court or just centimetres from the net, thus letting them grab 95% of the shots.

Miss the good ol' days when u battle with ppl ur league.. and just playing for Fun..

"Then why did you go today?"

"Coz u r here?"

Ok. Stupid question. It didnt crossed my mind. But it was really nice to hear. Then it got me wondering.. did i go badminton for me or to accompany E? coz honestly, if no1 asks me to go, i wont go. Fullstop.

I flashed-back the day before..

Friday. E negotiated with me to go that Communication Skills for the Visually Impaired. That's the problem with me, i needed some1 to push me to do things. Anyway one of the exercises that day was to learn How to Lead the Blind. So in pairs, one closed his eyes, the other, lead him by the arm and walk around the room.

Sounds interesting. I became the blind 1st. I was abit skeptical.. what if i fall?? Should i just open my eye for a milimeter? u wud b surprised how reassuring and how muc vision u gain by just opening abittttttt...

"Careful ya.." was the last thing i said before i faked a total vision lost..

E did it well, i didnt trip over or bumped into anything. Then it was her turn. She was excited over it, i dunno why. I led her around the room, making sure her footing doesnt get caught in the chair's leg or the handle of a slingbag on the floor. There were many other pairs doing the exercise as well.. so sometimes i had to stop E and even hold out my hand by her side to make sure Other students' 'blind' partners dont bump into Mine!!

Once she was safe back on her original seat, she was exclaiming how different it felt. And then she said it..

"I didnt open my eyes at all. I gave you total trust."

Total trust? Does that really exist? But ya.. i was happy to hear that.. i don even know why i need to doubt her for a second when i went 1st as the blind person. And that afternoon ended well with me and E meeting some friends for tea, grocery shopped, and dinnered together (That's 3 posts ago.. why am i repeating myself?)

Back to Saturday. Once we reached Floyers, i went to look for A. She scheduled a hair cut with me. Yes, with me, as the hairdresser. I cut for her before, it was a straight cut, and rather difficult to get eVery Strand on ur head to be the same length coz once its wet or when u move abit or run your fingers through, everything changes.

"What would it be today?"

"I dunno, u decide. Have your creative juice today.." ( dont ask me what that means)

"Aiks.. what do u want la.."

"Shorter.. like till here, " and she shows me the length she wants "U know.. Victoria Beckham's haircut.. or our coursemate P's haircut.."

I just had a rough idea how her hair is like.. nearly wanted to Google and look at the hair in more details but A said dont bother..

so That was the haircut she wants.. long in front and shorter & shorter to the back.. really nice hair.. but really hard to do.. plus it surely got full of hair gel etc to get every strand in place.. Dont u just hate it when ur hair looks superb after a haircut then once u reach home and wash it, it just doesnt look the same? and it never does!!!

the 1st time i cut poor A's hair it took me 3 hours.. but this time i managed a record breaking 1.5hrs (haha.. slow right?) coz i didnt put too muc fine Details.. i got that long-in-front and shorter-at-back style with layers all around.. and i told her to stick to the Messy look (coz its messy)

i kept asking A "is it ok? u wan shorter here? Longer here? More layers? more distinct long-short difference?"

and her answer is always "Up to u la, u decide la, u r my hairdresser..."

Wei.. how come she also put trust in me.. well actually in my hands with barber scissors.. scared la, later make mistake.. if kantoi also its HER hair not mine.. its too easy to make ONe WRong SNip.. (and not much hair to cover up for it, looking at Victoria Beckham's hair length)

Honestly, i dont think i would just giv any1 a pair of scissors and ask them to cut my hair.. somemore not experienced.. am i just not so Trusting as other ppl???

anyway E walked in to cook her dinner (oh ya, we were in the kitchen! haha) and the 3 of us started talking.. then when we talked about friends etc.. E was saying i was her oldest friend..

"Hmm.. ya U are also my oldest friend in London.. i know u since F3 " i said.. i mean, compared to every1 else in London who i met only in college or uni..

"no no.. not only in London.. u R my oldest friend.."

"oo.." now That.. is really Sweet, E!!

It was not the ideal Saturday that i imagined.. to accompany E for badminton for an hour+ and then cut A's hair.. For them, playing badminton and having a new haircut wud be fun, BUT for me, i talked alot more to E on Fri n Sat combined than for the past few months, and even talked more to A during that 1.5++hours than i did since her Last Hair cut!!! Now That.. is a good Saturday spent if u ask me.. doing things for other ppl..

and especially to E, thanks for being such a great friend who says the sweetest things! since E is always nagging me to update my blog, now i blogged about her.. wakaka...

oh well.. Monday.. its back to Weekdays when everyone resorts back to their own lives, when u just smiled at them during lectures and then during lunch or after classes PooF!! Everyone disappears.. into Books.. Sports.. or Series..

oh well.. here i am alone again with my blog on a Monday night.. But its good to know u do have good friends u can trust, and even more important, Trusts u as well.. once weekdays are over i look forward to see the relaxed side of everyone else..

Still.. a close friend that wana go out to the park and set up the picnic cloth with sandwichs and crisps, kick some balls, throw some Frisbee.. sit at a Pancakes and Donuts cafe with good ol' Hot choc/Coffee with the sun setting as the Background.. grab some popcorn for the latest movie at the Cinema, then end the night in with playing cards, take-away pizza and drinking and laughing at all the fun that happen that day.. is hard to find~~~

just another Sunday

i went to Joy King Lau at Chinatown for dim sum with the seniors, but I was diagnosed with a High-bmi-High-lipid-content symptom known as F.A.T. , and therefore prescribed with a Dont-Indulge-Eat-or-Taste medication aka D.I.E.T.. (Dr. Pei2 made sure i stick to this medication no matter how i try not to take it..) so i did not touch any of the dim sum (Ulyimate Test to Resist Temptation .. but then i didn't feel like eating dimsum.. rather eat sushi nex weekend la since Yo! Sushi has 50% off offer now.. kaka)

the food i had to stare at while my saliva glands was overflowing and my stomach acid poured in..

Ok, fine. No biggie. Next on my agenda, buy some CNY cards and presents.. so off to the shops along chinatown...

the CNY cards cost £1.65 Per Card??!?! Not to say pretty cards also.. If buy 2 or 3 ok la.. But i always send CNY cards in Mass amounts or dont send at all (coz hard to say send to This person but din send to That person..) that means i need at least 25-30 pieces..£40++ for CNY cards??? Should just bring some from Msia.. Rm 1.65 for a pack of 5 cards..

Alright. No problem. Lets just go to the Russian Winter Festival at Trafalgar Sq.. i m armed with my camera to take nice shots..

Sesudah sampai.. we saw a massive queue.. and it doesnt move at all..

the securities at the end of the huge immobile line outside of the National Gallery..

We decided to just head on home. I was pasrah coz went out all day and got nth done.. Din eat dimsum.. Din buy anything.. Din go in the festival.. last week already missed the Hyde Park Winter Wonderland..

Oh well.. here comes another 5 days of torture.. how to live through the 5 days if there is nothing to look forward to during the weekends? suddenly i sound like i dont have a life.. arghhhh ..

some shots i managed to snap